Tuesday, July 7

The Slow, Sad, Downhill Run To The End Of Days, Brought To You By Applebee's™. Applebee's™. Real Burgers For Real Heroes.

• So I'm watching local "news" last night--this is all my fault--and came in in the middle of the story of the local woman who entered and won a pair of ducats in the Michael Jackson Memorial Freakshow Lottery--the email announcement of which was described as her receiving a "thriller" of her own--only to have her excitement disintegrate like bad rhinoplasty when--and this is precisely the way the story was reported--"she learned the $570 airfare to get to LA wasn't in the budget".

Okay, so my Poor Wife and I are used to staring open-mouthed at each other about six times per half-hour broadcast, but I think this one set the duration record.

Palin announcement may be good news for Mitch Daniels! sez Channel 8's political "reporter" Jim "I Don't Think Hillary Clinton Having A Shot And A Beer Is Going To Play In Indiana" Shella, while using the broadest possible interpretation of something Ed Rollins muttered on morning teevee to insist a "strategist" has "said" that Daniels is running for President. Of course, this is Indiana, where the "Gawrsh, here's a Hoosier that's famous" impulse is so strong that we claim, tout, even, not just John Dillinger, but Charlie Manson, Jimmy Hoffa, and Mark Spitz; anyone, actually, who's spent more than two nights in a hotel here. But what really took this from the realm of Cornfield Wanking and into the realm of, well, Cornfield Fellatio, was this: "combine his ability to maintain a billion dollar surplus with the fact that potential party leaders including Palin and South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford are fading from the national scene and the governor's stature as a Republican leader is sure to grow" [emphasis mine].

Imagine, dear Reader, a world in which you got to establish the metric by which your performance would be judged, and that, furthermore, having miraculously met your own standards, you were judged fit to be President. I'm guessing that, as seductive as this sounds, you would give up such a world provided you could exchange it for one where you got to choose who gave you blowjobs in public. This is the principal difference between you and a politician.

And look: let's suppose the special legislative session Daniels engineered in order to rub out a 2% school funding increase (over two years) he might otherwise have been "forced" to accept had voted that increase despite his veto power. "Daniels fought to preseve a billion-dollar surplus!" "Daniels preserved a $750 million-dollar surplus!" $500 million! $2 million! He struggled against the odds! It's the same goddam story no matter what happens, because it's no story at all, or because it's as much of a story as "Cheer claims to get clothes their whitest!" That is, it's something no normal adult would say unless someone was paying him to. The truth is complex. Our pundits are simple, or simply venal.

• And I'm simple, too, with simple wants, like, if you're going to send a field reporter out to cover the July 4th teabagging event taking place in a socialist public park, and she's doing the remote somehow while standing in front of a guy holding a sign, and the sign says "Obama Show Us Your Birth Certificate", have her turn around and ask the guy a question about it. Just one. Just once.

• Finally, the Racist Star online gives pride of place to the story that public schools Superintendent Dr. Eugene "Cufflinks" White will be turning down his pay raise until teachers get a new contract. They've been working without one for two years now, the lousy featherbedding socialist trades unionists.

So White will be struggling by on his $188,000 base salary, plus the $12,000 in bonuses that snuck through an organizational meeting of the School Board last week, until the new contract is signed. And it's the (temporary) refusal which gets the headlines. Go figure.

Y'know, I get no pleasure at all from saying it, but the only question left is whether we're too stupid and too greedy to save ourselves, or whether we're not worth saving because we're so stupid and so greedy.

5 comments:

Bill In OH said...

Y'know, I get no pleasure at all from saying it, but the only question left is whether we're too stupid and too greedy to save ourselves, or whether we're not worth saving because we're so stupid and so greedy

Why, I do believe the answer is "both/and".

StringonaStick said...

Quite seriously, when I see babies and litle kids now I just feel sorry for them because of the world they are inheriting. That, and the corporatocray they will be laboring under for the rest of their natural lives; I may get to retire, they won't.

heydave said...

Are we the jaded get-off-my-lawn-owners just pointing into the wind? Or are we truly gifted to witness the End Times?

Kinda makes you think, huh?

p.s. You almost make me nostalgic for Iowan teevee types.

Merle Jeeter said...

Of course, this is Indiana, where the "Gawrsh, here's a Hoosier that's famous" impulse is so strong that we claim, tout, even, not just John Dillinger, but Charlie Manson, Jimmy Hoffa, and Mark Spitz; anyone, actually, who's spent more than two nights in a hotel here.

I'm afraid Indiana's image will always suffer in comparison with that of its sophisticated neighbor to the east, Ohio.

Not to worry. At least Indiana didn't thrust Howard Motherfucking Jarvis onto the world to singlehandedly destroy the world's tenth largest economy.

Not that anyone here actually "touts" Mr. Jarvis. It's more expedient for people here not to consider Mr. Jarvis' contribution to California's fiscal woes and blame them all on the goddamn California liberals, gays, illegals, welfare queens, pornography, godless heathen humanists, hippies, marijuana, all Democratic governors since Reagan, Sean Penn, et al.

Grace Nearing said...

the only question left is whether we're too stupid and too greedy to save ourselves, or whether we're not worth saving because we're so stupid and so greedy.

What was the middle one?