Give The Money Back, Governor

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THE FEDS perp-walked Indiana Ponzi Schemer and Republican Money Spigot Tim Durham and two of his henchmen (sorry, alleged henchmen) yesterday, sixteen months after they raided Obsidian Financial, the Indianapolis-based center of his extensive car- yacht- and hooker-purchasing empire.

They were charged on twelve counts of conspiracy, securities and wire fraud each, in connection with the looting of Fair Financial, an Akron-based financial company Obsidian bought in 2002. 5000 investors lost more than $200 million. Well, "lost" is the conventional term. Y'see, they know where the money went. To Durham's collection of penis substitutes, among others.

And $200,000 of it went to the campaign of Indiana Governor Mitch "Pockets" Daniels. Asked last year by the bankruptcy trustee to return it, Daniels said, and I am not making this up, "That money's already been spent."

The Indiana Republican party, which received even more than that, said essentially the same thing. Daniels' mouthpiece was a bit more circumspect; he said that if the allegations proved true, and the money did turn out to've been stolen, then it might be proper to look around and see if any of it was left. Sometimes you wish attorneys did not speak English.

Other recipients of Durham's largess with other people's money include Indiana Speaker of the House and Self-Appointed Holy Man Brian Bosma, and Durham's former roomie, ex-Marion County Prosecutor Carl "Sleeze" Brizzi. None was available for comment.

And this isn't a question of violations of campaign finance law (though it should be). Nor is it a question of funds coming from a source which later proves "questionable". It's money which belonged to small investors in Ohio, who gained no benefit from influencing Indiana elections, not that they had any choice. It was their property, and they no longer have it. Say whatever you want about Durham's presumption of innocence before the Bar, there is no alternative explanation for what undeniably did happen, except "malevolent Trickster god".

And so there is no earthly reason why those criminal proceeds should not be returned to their rightful owners. It's a drop in the bucket, to be sure. But if these people don't deserve every last bit of recovery, then the whole fetid financial system deserves to be brought down on the heads of the politicians who've helped turn it into one big criminal enterprise.

Is that not what's right, Governor? Or what is right? Is there such a thing as ethics, or not? You've been required lately by the dictates of that Presidential campaign you're not running to try to emphasize your own Christianity (and Randian apostasy) when necessary. What's the Bible say about theft? What'd Jesus have to say about sticking to the minutiae of the law, and ignoring what is right? Tim Durham was living cartoon-large on other people's money. He gave some of that money to you. I'm sure I don't have to explain to a Big Entrepreneurial Brain such as yours that money is fungible (which is why, besides the fact that your lips were moving, that we knew you were lying when you pulled that "it's already been spent" routine). $200 grand. What was that, two days' ad purchases during your interminable 2008 telemarketing campaign? Give the money back. And apologize for not ordering your minions to do so sooner. Put this financial Ponzi scheme behind you, so you can get on with the intellectual Ponzi scheme of your Presidency.