Look On The Bright Side. Now We Won't Need Death Panels.

Chris Cillizza,"The debt-ceiling deal: Winners and losers". July 31

Peter Wallsten and David Nakamura, "Did Obama capitulate--or is this a cagey move?" July 31

Ezra Klein, "Democrats will lose now. But they can win later." July 31

IF you'd like to forget for a moment what input you had into the Great Debt Ceiling Compromise, or "Compromise"--your choice of fries or cole slaw with your shitburger--I recommend casting about until you find The Cool Kids' Analyses. Because just think about it: which would you really rather do, get the 1500 calories a day you might manage in your golden years from premium cat food, or escape, without medical assistance, a world where Ezra Klein and Chris Cillizza don't just have jobs as political commentators and open-mike-night standup comics, but are charter members of the Liberal Media Emailers Club?

Wallsten and Nakamura:

But for a White House eager to improve its standing with centrist independents who have been fleeing Obama, even a losing deal can be a winning strategy.

Leaving aside for the moment the question of where, besides "inside the skulls of Beltway insiders", these centrist independents reside, let's ask exactly why they've been fleeing Obama. Because he was too centrist? Because the reasonable, middle-of-the-road Republican party pointed out his Socialist World Domination scheme? Because previously he just hasn't shown the leadership that utter whimpering capitulation signals to your average demanding Difference Splitter?

Cillizza:

Losers

Liberals: As the basic framework of the deal emerged, liberals began voicing their discontent about a bargain that left their side wanting more. With no revenue in the initial phase of the legislation and Medicare cuts on the table in the second phase, there’s not much for the ideological left to celebrate.

Same question, in reverse: where are these people, aside from the actual America none of these fucks knows anything about except how to fly over? The only liberal official I heard from during the whole mess was John McCain.

(Okay, I heard Chuck Schumer with David Gregory. Schumer made sense. Which meant nothing he had to say would be reflected in any final deal. As if we needed confirmation.)

Klein:

But Democrats will have their turn. On Dec. 31, 2012, three weeks before the end of President Barack Obama’s current term in office, the Bush tax cuts expire. Income tax rates will return to their Clinton-era levels. That amounts to a $3.6 trillion tax increase over 10 years, three or four times the $800 billion to $1.2 trillion in revenue increases that Obama and Speaker John Boehner were kicking around. And all Democrats need to do to secure that deal is...nothing.

Look, I don't give a fuck if you really are only 23-years-old. You've already had a lifetime's worth of proof that the Democratic party will never be able to take advantage of any hand it's dealt. Saying "oh, wait, the Dems will get it back in a lame-duck session when the Bush tax cuts expire" is like saying "Good news! The Democrats have a fillibuster-proof Senate majority!"