Thursday, September 20

A MoDo Glossary, 2007

In appreciation of the death of Times Select:

A

Adoring type of smile Bill Clinton is supposed to work on, per Hillary's instructions
Always how often Reagan knew who the foe was
Archly how John McCain smiles when forced to cool his heels
Authority what Hillary Clinton always gives herself too much of

B

Bipartisan Outreach what Bill Clinton suggests he could do with Fred Thompson's wife [Get it?]
Brainy √Član what excites us about Barack Obama
Breck Girl John Edwards
Breck Girl of 2004 John Edwards
Bryan, William Jennings what Barack Obama turns into if he takes on Washington pundits

C

Cakewalk, A what the Peloponnesian War was compared to Iraq
Cameras and Mirrors and Magazine Covers Barack Obama's campaign absent a Dowd-approved attack on Senator Clinton
Code Pink Pinko Hillary Clinton's former persona (see: Reinvention of Herself)
Comely John Edwards and Barack Obama
Concede What Al Gore does to a small author's picture on the inside back flap of his book. (see: White House Vintage)
Corona—, The what Hillary starts to call her inauguration before catching herself. Short for coronation
Creepy what the latest "fruitcake manifesto" from Osama (q.v.) was
Critical Files what Hillary Clinton had a talent for losing
Crushing the sort of burden it must be for W. (q.v.) to have wrought the opposite of what he intended in so many profound ways
Cut and Run, Ms how Republicans will paint Hillary Clinton

D

Dialysis Machine, Osama’s what we'd trace the saline in if this were a movie
Distinctively Masculine Timbre 1) a baritone, if in the possession of Fred Thompson; 2) a tenor, if in the former possession of Ronald Reagan
Divine Right of Clintons Hillary's message
Dysfunctional the Iraqi government (see: useless)

E

Elevate-Cronyism-Over-The-Rule-of-Law, Mr. alternate nickname of William Jefferson Clinton, referring to his "sneaked under the wire" pardons [sic]
Emanate Graham Greene tell a dark, rueful story
Everything What Hillary Clinton told Iowans she is owed
Exquisitely Inane usually, W's logic. Occasionally, Fred Thompson's logic (see: Distinctly Masculine Timbre)

F

Fabulous type of haircut John Edwards has
Feral (adj) Senator Hillary Clinton, D-NY
Figeting and Elbowing how Hillary Clinton spent her years as First Lady
Finch, Atticus the literary character John Edwards is "inspired" to identify with [quotes in original]
First Groupie, The William Jefferson Clinton, Forty-Second President of the United States
Flirt, Presidential what Al Gore is so fixed on not seeming that he comes across as a bit of a righteous tease or a high-minded scold (see: Scold, High-minded)
Former G.O.P. Operative Who Is His Unofficial Campaign Manager and Top Adviser, A Jeri Thompson (compare President of the United States, Being Married To One)
Freer Than Ever what John Warner is now that he's announced his retirement (compare: Reinvention of Herself)

G

Ginger sneaking up on an issue. What Rudy doesn't do
Girdle fat-shifting device worn by secretaries on the vintage advertising show, “Mad Men.”
Gloriously quantitative description of how gay Oscar Wilde was
Good Morning, America ABC program Dowd believes Al Gore controls the set design and graphics of, despite the fact that he complained about them on air
Goracle, The Albert Arnold "Al" Gore, Jr. , 45th Vice-President of the United States
Green-Tea-Soy-Latte-Drinking, Self-Tanning-Sea-Salt-Mango-Body-Wrapping, Norah-Jones-Listening, Yoga-Toning Chief Executive the unelectable Liberal alternative to the highly effective cowboy chief executive (see: Tough Guys)
Guy Who Does Trailers for “In a World Gone Wrong” Disaster Flicks, The how a New York Times columnist identifies Don LaFontaine, as opposed to taking five seconds on Google to learn his name
Guy Who Put the Pant in Pantry, The alternate nickname of William Jefferson Clinton, referring to his penis

H

“Harsh Terrain” where we need a leader to stop whining Osama (q.v.) is hiding in [quotes in original]
Hillzilla Hillary Clinton
Huffy what Barack Obama gets if people don't treat him as Hannah Arendt

I, J, K, L

Inauthentic, the Shopworn and the Hyper-Prepped, The campaigners generally, especially Democrats whose hair or clothes are more important to Dowd than their messages
Inexperienced Kid what W. (q.v.) seems more than ever
Jack and Ginger Ms Dowd erroneously believes this to be the name of an alcoholic concoction fit for human consumption
J.F.K. and Jackie the former President and First Lady Barack Obama has modeled himself and his wife on
Kevin one of Dowd's "O'Reillyesque" brothers. Possibly apocryphal
Klum, Heidi photographer's model who has graced fewer fashionable magazine covers than Barack Obama
Land of Bingo and Bacon the suburbs
Lazio (v.) to voice coarse criticism of Hillary Clinton

M

Man Up (v.) to talk tough; to urge political assassination as foreign policy
Man Who Doesn't Know Where His Next Meal Is Coming From, A what Al Gore inhaled clam dip like, according to the Times' James Traub
Material Boy John Edwards
Metrosexual In Chief John Edwards, potentially
Middle-brow Boomerish 1) what the choice of Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" as Bill Clinton's campaign theme was; 2) what Dowd herself is nothing if not

N, O

Nag, Exhausted that Scarlett O’Hara Whipped on to Tara what the Army is Iraq is like
New York Steel-Cage Match public policy disagreements between Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani
Obama Senator Barrack Obama, D-Ill.
Obambi Senator Barrack Obama, D-Ill.
Obligingly how Al Gore laughs when kidded about his weight
Only Man in the Field Tough Enough To Slap Around a Woman, The Rudy Giuliani [note: meant, ultimately, as a compliment]
Osama shorthand for Osama bin-Laden. (see: W.)
Ozone Man, The Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. (See; Goricle, The)

P

Pander to tell Iowans you like ethanol, assuming you're Hillary Clinton
Pea the shade of green Hillary must have turned when Barack Obama was on Oprah and Monday Night Football on the same day
Pedestal what Barack Obama puts himself on when he doesn't issue Dowd-approved attacks on Hillary Clinton
Peggy Dowd's sister who believed W. was the next John F. Kennedy. Possibly apocryphal. (see: Pussyfooting)
Pervez what his friends and the Times stylebook call Pervez Musharraf, President of Pakistan
Plato-and-Cato, Between where Al Gore imagines his book should be shelved
Politics, Muck Of what Barack Obama sounds too pristine for, at times
Politics, Tiger Woods Of Barack Obama
Posture and Criticize W.’s War Hillary Clinton's plan
President of the United States, Being Married to One what Hillary Clinton touts as experience
Puffy-Coiffed resembling Mitt Romney
Pull Out the More Than 100,000 Troops, Figuring Out How To what Hillary Clinton, alone among Presidential hopefuls, will be stuck with if posturing and criticizing W.'s war gains her the White House
Pussyfooting what Barack Obama or John Edwards must stop doing around Hillary for Peggy Dowd (q.v.) to vote for them

R

Reinvention of Herself the process whereby Hillary Clinton changes her position on the Iraq War
Rudy-Up when someone else, especially Hillary Clinton, plays the 9/11 fear card. (See: Reinvention of Herself)

S

Scarlett O'Hara Sweeping Into the Twelve Oaks Barbecue what Barack Obama's entrance into Hollywood was matched by
Scold, High-Minded what Al Gore's book is (See Flirt, Presidential)
Secrets Of Likability, The what Hillary is spending a fortune trying to buy
Senator Best Seller Barack Obama
Senator Pothole Hillary Clinton
She May Reap the Whirlwind why Hillary Clinton "probably secretely supports the surge", as this will occur in the aftermath of its failure
Shell-Game Answers what one gives when one holds a hideous hand
Smooth Jazz Senator Barack Obama
Sopranos, The television series whose teachings on Life are to Dowd what Krusty the Clown's are to Bart Simpson
Surge Twins Gen. David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker

T

Too Serious what a phone conversation with Joe Biden becomes if it sticks to issues
Tough Guys Rudy Giuliani and John McCain
Twenty years length of the two terms for him, two terms for her pact between Bill and Hillary Clinton, which, since it comes straight from Jeff Gerth, has gotta be true, plus it conveniently explains why the Clinton's marriage didn't blow up as Dowd predicted it was just about to in 2001

U, V

Unflattering Outfits and Unnervingly Changing Hairdos what Hillary Clinton showed off a long line of as First Lady
Useless the Iraqi government (see: Dysfunctional)
Virgin what Oscar Levant knew Doris Day before she became; what we knew Obama before he became [sic]

W-Z

W. George Walker Bush, Forty-Third President of the United States
Warrior, The Hillary Clinton
Wary how Barack Obama looks onstage next to Hilary
White House Vintage What the Glamor-shotted Dowd criticizes Al Gore's inside-the-back-flap author photo for being
Will-and-Graced, To Be to become more tolerant of homosexuality
Wingtips type of footwear Michael Dukakis climbed the Acropolis in
World War I conflict Dowd's father (possibly apocryphal) had to fight in to gain citizenship
Wordy an aspect of Joe Biden more important to war-critic Dowd than his opposition to the Iraq war is
Wright, Jim who Tom Delay is as corrupt as, according to Kevin Dowd (q.v.)
Zero what our score in Iraq will be unless sports-loving Condi gets to work

14 comments:

D. Sidhe said...

For fuck's sake already, someone hold a mirror up to the woman. If she doesn't see her reflection it might still be worth the effort.

I rarely disagree with Digby, but I don't honestly think there's any way to *stop* Dowd from doing this shit to the democratic nominee.

KathyR said...

Genius.

Uncle Kvetch said...

I laughed until I cried. And then I just kept crying. God help us all, it's happening again.

Heydave said...

Yowsa, you must have had some serious time on your hands.

No, wait; it was all pretty obvious, wasn't it?

doghouse riley said...

It probably took more time to format the thing.

doghouse riley said...

Oh, plus she took a couple months off. To study the issues, I think.

Mo MoDo said...

That is astoundingly useful. Thanks for bringing me up to speed. And now I know not to order a Jack and ginger.

billy pilgrim said...

Can we lock her back up behind a Wall?

Randal Graves said...

What a great post. They should add this as a supplement whenever her column appears.

drip said...

What sort of decontamination did you go through after wallowing in all that shit? Thanks for doing what few of us could have survived.

Whetstone said...

Bierce/Flaubert-worthy.

Jim McCulloch said...

Well, OK, she has some issues.

Cubby said...

Her 'father' fought in WW *One*?

How old is she, 206?

Julia said...

Jack and jamaican ginger beer is actually pretty good.

Also, you rock. Immoderately.