DAVE--Homey, Bruder…Weatherman! Women who work on your show? A woman who worked on your show is the tyranny of the Heart. Women is the tyranny of their Big Shot Boss.
This is what you wanted to be a star for? It isn't about who you fuck, or fuck over, Dave. It is partly about the ethics of sleeping with employees, and the rest is about fucking everyone else, whether they consented or not.
And no, I'm not being hypocritical about Polanski. I happen to believe that judicial misconduct, and prosecutorial malfeasance, trump damn near everything, an opinion that is left untouched by the fact that this guy proves to be a serial liar, since he already was a known prosecutor. But it is strengthened by the I'm Not Even Going To Bother Hiding My Contempt for the Intelligence of the Public routine passing as a "confession". "Hey, I'm ruining my reputation in service of the truth," says Mr. Retired Prosecutor whose actions co-opted a case it now pleases them to renew. As though he didn't ruin both his and the LA justice system's reps when he admitted colluding with a judge. Hell, as though admitting you lied for money, and media attention, in a country full of people who do the former every day and dream of the chance to do the latter, doesn't make you the fucking idol of millions. It's like saying you blew your shot at Country music stardom by professing Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
Next time try passing it off as youthful indiscretion.
Hailstones the size of Canned Hams! Dave. It meant more to some of us than that some silly guy was being silly on local news. It meant somebody who saw through the bullshit that everyone else seemed so eager to gulp down by the heaping handful had at least made it to the place where he could twist a nose or two. It meant the hope that someday someone other than some British pop star might bite General Electric where it hurt. It meant being happy that you got rich, and forgetting it when the show slid into mediocrity and superciliousness and tabloid moments with Drew Fucking Barrymore.
'Cause y'know, Dave, Eugene Levy can make any number of crappy movies he wants, and he'll still be the guy from SCTV. But the unspoken part of the deal is, he can't show us how he spends the money. Dipping your willie in the steno pool is much, much worse.
In the next life, David Letterman, Bill Hicks is hosting the Tonight Show. And you are his seat cushion.
And thanks, by the way, for helping Sarah Palin reload.