Rich Guy Picks Rich Guy Toady As Assistant

WELL, that'll add some much-needed excitement to the ticket….

First, let's agree yet again with everything Pierce says; there is no Republican establishment. The party is a hodgepodge of regional beer distributorships. It's possible it nominated the wrong McCain last time.

And what a perfect summation of the last thirty years of "conservatism" this is: the über-rich white guy who thinks he should be President because he understands the needs of über-rich white guys, and the forty-something Randoid posterboy for mendacity. The CEO and the chief ad exec.

Okay, so the move is not without its positives; it's sure to wow the sort of New York Times Op-Ed columnist who is willing to say, for money, that  the Republican House is offering solutions to their phony crises Our Nation's Dire Problems. Although in fairness, at this point Romney could have tabbed Sarah Fucking Palin and David Brooks, George Eff Will, and Chuckles Krauthammer would have huzzahed. It's not like he had much to choose from, or they have anywhere else to be.

But, assuming there's some reason other than under-the-table payoffs that made anyone feel good about the Republican party as of yesterday morning, how do you look at this stinkbomb and convince yourself that everything's all right? A bottle of The Macallan 25 and your financial report? Your party is not in possession of Facts, an Argument, or its Senses. And that's its sensible wing. You might win elections--you fucking might win this one, which should scare you, too--but you can't govern. Thirty-two years ago, eight election cycles (which is enough for even "conservatives" to have begun coming to their senses), you got the opportunity to throw a monkey wrench into the machinery of government. Today you're just the fucking monkey wrench. Tax Cuts, Because I'd Really Rather Not Pay Taxes. You've gone from unsustainable to incomprehensible.

You're the party of fucking lapel flags (as opposed to the Democrats, the party afraid to not wear lapel flags). You're the party of facile gestures which in fact put the lie to your principles, and you don't care because your principles are just there to distract people from your lying about them.

Okay, so full disclosure: I found you incomprehensible (and reprehensible) in 1980, but at least you didn't double down every time you hit a roadblock. A lot of people said you lost your way with the collapse of the International Communist Conspiracy (though, of course, you had to've lost your way just to be found there). But I'd propose that in fact you've never recovered from Iran/Contra and the Great S&L Swindle; like Vietnam and Civil Rights, you patched it up with disinformation. And got away with it, to the extent that you won elections, but you lost your minds. And your souls, if any. Which brings us to Romney/Ryan, 2012. This Is What "Opportunity" Really Looks Like.™