Thursday, October 27

That's All I Can Stand, Vol. CCXLVI

Peter Lattman, "A Stunning Fall From Grace for a Star Executive". October 26

Diana B. Henriques, "Ruth Madoff Says Couple Tried Suicide in 2008". October 26

Susan Saulny, "As Cain Promotes His Management Skills, Ex-Aides Tell of Campaign in Chaos". October 26

FUCKING Hell. If there's anything I want to say about Ruth Madoff, unfairly unincarcerated Dowager Queen of East Ponzistan, trying to kill herself it's this: Next time, consult a professional. On the dosage.

I heard at the time how Poor Ruth Madoff was trapped inside her luxury condo. That was one time too many. I'm a humanitarian. I believe in redemption, but I believe in sincere atonement, too. Madam, kindly crawl back to wherever it is society is kind enough to let you keep living, and pull it in over you. For about the next three lifetimes. Then we can hear what you have to say.

Had you been unfairly, demonstrably unfairly, imprisoned, that would make you American #268,438 whose story deserves to be told. Barring that you're Human Being #6 billion 750-some million anyone should give a shit about. Have the decency to shut th' fuck up.

There oughta be a hole now where CBS News once stood. I mean a literal one, not just the figurative one that's been in place for years.

What can you say about someone who trumpets this stuff, except that he obviously believes there's no shit Americans won't eat? That his only reality is his own reality, one where Bernie Madoff is a "story", one where Bernie Madoff formerly was "a winner".
Regardless of the case’s outcome, the charges punctuate a stunning fall from grace for Mr. Gupta, whose personal story reads like a caricature of a Horatio Alger tale.

Nobody reads Horatio Alger. Plenty of people read True Crime.

So let's start here: Horatio Alger heroes rose from being street urchins or bootblacks to productive, respected members of the community. They did not climb the ladder to the corporate board room penthouse so they could piss on the next generation of newsies.

Orphaned at 18! Something tells me this doesn't qualify as tough luck for Josie from Accounting. In fact something tells me this doesn't qualify as a tough luck story except for people who automatically add "and the Trust Fund doesn't kick in until twenty-one" when they hear it.

At any rate, fuck you. The difference between Rajat Gupta and a sleazy pornographer is that the latter earns an honest living. Simple self-respect and basic human decency are all that was required to ashcan that Brown Skin to Riches story in the first place. There's no reason today to suggest that anything about Gupta's career ever amounted to anything beyond a swindle. He clawed his way to the top so he could steal a bigger pile. If that's not 100% accurate the fractional difference is too small to matter any more. It shouldn't make anyone nostalgic for a time when he hadn't been found out.

And, for fuck's sake, if we can't stop talking about Herman Cain altogether--yet--can't we at least stop talking about Herman Cain as though he's ever uttered an honest or sensible word on the campaign trail? No, there is no mystery that "despite Herman Cain's claims to managerial expertise" he turns out to be a crappy manager. Despite Herman Cain's claims, everything he's ever said is a load of crap. Despite the White Star Line's claims, the Titanic is at the bottom of the Atlantic. This does not mean the actual truth is swimming around at 1900 meters.

And, while we're at it, "ex-Herman Cain volunteer" ranks right up there in credibility with "former Goldman Sachs director".


Sharon said...

I love you most of the time but today I love you best.

If I were forty years younger, I'd offer to bear your offspring.

Anonymous said...

But... talking about Herman Cain is the best fun yet.

Charles Pierce: "Outside on the lawn, the Spirit of American Democracy downed 50 'ludes with a bottle of Stoli, bought a length of strong rope, and went looking for a tree."

It's like the guy is channeling D. Riley. Not Herman Cain. Pierce.

M. Krebs said...

Herman Cain is a "presidential candidate" because the GOP and the Koch bothers are once again playing the long game. His candidacy is nothing more than an attempt to drive a wedge between African Americans and Democrats. They know they have no chance in 2012, so why not strew fertilizer for 2016?

R. Porrofatto said...

Savage, wickedly funny, and fucking brilliant. It's a great morning cocktail. Thanks, I needed that.

heydave said...

Fuckin' A.

Kathy said...

I suspect our Presidents are already pre-selected- why not when the MOTUs own the "voting machines"?

All the campaigns are just self-promotion in hopes of selling books, getting gigs at Fox news, preening one's idiocy in front of the whole Nation rather than just one soft-headed state.

Anonymous said...

"Horatio Alger heroes rose from being street urchins or bootblacks to productive, respected members of the community." This is a myth!
In fact, the protagonists in actual stories written by Horatio Alger rise due to ass-kissing and marrying the big boss's daughter !

Warren Terra said...

I was going to say what Anonymous at 1:53PM said: we are often told of Horatio Alger stories, in which hard work and enterprise results in success - but (according to what I've read about them), in the actual Horatio Alger stories, some downtrodden young man would demonstrate their worthiness through hard work and utter subservience to the existing social order and some magnanimous representative of the upper classes would recognize this young man's sterling qualities and reward them with wealth, position, and often their daughter's hand in marriage.

Brian M said...

I might note that the Madoffs deserve SOME kudos. MANY OF their "friends" who felt so lucky to be amongst the in crowd ALLOWED to invest with ol' bernie are generally the kinds of self-indulgent rentiers, inheritees and coupon clippers that simply DESERVED to be taken.