Thursday, January 5

Thursday Household Hints

Grover Norquist, urging lobbying reform [sic], via Michael Scherer in Salon:

"If you put the birthday cake under the sink the cockroaches will find it," Norquist said, in a telephone interview Wednesday afternoon. "Get rid of the cake and you will get rid of the cockroaches."

Not surprisingly Mr. Riley, longtime cuisinier, disagrees: "First, turn the lights on. Step on all the cockroaches, beginning with the fattest, making sure to get every last one. Savor the crunch under your boot. Then put the cake where it belongs."

15 comments:

D. Sidhe said...

I love you. Have I mentioned I love you? I do. I would marry your cat just to be allowed to live in your home and bask in your wit and wisdom and occasional boot-oriented Grover Norquist fantasy.

Honest to Pete: Extermination tips from the head roach? Who says the man lacks irony!

s.z. said...

While I greatly appreciate Mr. Riley's household tips (and hope to see many more of them), in all fairness to Grover, what I think he actually meant was, "Indian tribes don't deserve cake. If we take the cake away from them, it won't attract cockroaches. Therefore, anybody who took their money via my buddy Jack performed a great service to society by helping to keep temptation away from the Democrats."

corndog said...

I was thinking more along the lines of drowning them all in the bathtub, but I can also endorse the visceral pleasure of your approach.

Heydave said...

I should say something snarky here, but seriously, birthday cake and cockroaches? WTF?

KathyR said...

So, wait, Corndog's putting the cake in the tub? Or holding them under one at a time or what?

And Doghouse is putting the cake under the sink, but only long enough to draw out the cockroaches so they can be crunched?

I just want to eat cake in a cockroach-free environment. Is that so wrong?

peBird said...

Who moved my cake?

doghouse riley said...

Kathy, you are correct, save in one particular: Mr. Riley did not put the cake under the sink. Mr. Riley covers the cut ends of the cake with slices of bread, wraps the thing in plastic after first inserting toothpicks to hold the wrap off the frosting, then refrigerates or tins as dictated by the ingredients.

But someone put the cake under the sink. Possibly the same person who earlier left it out in the rain, which we all had to hear about ad nauseum. You'll have this sort of thing in a cooperative effort once in a while. That person should be fired. Or stepped on. Mr. Riley is merely volunteering to supervise the cleanup.

Bob Loblaw said...

Someone left the cake out in the rain

D. Sidhe said...

Slices of bread? Really?

Cheryl said...

I, for one, welcome our cake-eating cockroach overlords.

isabelita said...

Oh my stars, you all are so funny, and in one case, beating me to the punch: I was going to make some snotty remark about that stupid old "MacArthur's Park" song, which
bob loblaw already cited. About "all the sweet green icing flowing doooownnn...." Hmm. Well, those republithugian roaches need to flow down the drain, the ultimate swirly. We should get so lucky...
Thanks so much for the chuckles and chorltes on this aWFUL, wet cold rainy day up in Seattle. kathyr, believe me, your LA-ian unrelenting sunlight sounds fabulous to me at the moment!

harry near indy said...

norquist -- tool, but not a useful one, like a hammer or a saw.

and DAMN, folks! you beat me to the cake-out-in-the-rain post.

jackd said...

I really don't want to read the article at Salon, but WTF? Someone's asking Norquist to comment on the Abramoff scandal? The only freaking question that anyone should be asking him is, "Grover, why don't you tell the folks back home what you're doing to keep your ass out of the prison cell that you and Ralph Reed deserve to share with Abramoff?"

Kathy said...

I love argument by metaphor!

Sir Loin of Beef said...

Look at the infantile metaphors we are reduced to in our crucial discussions when American fascists are allowed to frame the discourse! Oh well, here goes:

A lot of people like birthday cake, Grover - and it takes a real moron to leave one under the sink in the first place.

They should be left out in the open on the counter, covered with a transparent protective cover designed for that purpose. Any diseased insects seen approaching for their own engorgement can be easily squashed. Then you can poison the rest of the vile little vermin that hide from sight - foraging, defiling, and destroying when the lights are out - while the cake's protective shield remains intact and unobscured.