Tuesday, May 23

One Minute Rebuttal

David Brooks, "The Big Sleep", NYTimes, May 21

And for this reason, the hearings must be investigated, for their dullness derived from three catatonic streams. It was, to twist the metaphor of a recent book, a perfect calm.

The first element in this calm was the rapid fizzling of the N.S.A. scandal. We have been treated in the past year to a panoply of anticlimactic frenzies. For example, we have seen the periodic flaring and the inevitable noneruption of the Valerie Plame affair. Every few weeks, perhaps coinciding with the full moon, the left half of the blogosphere will arise from its habitual state of paranoid rage and soar into a collective paroxysm of anticipatory glee over the thought of Karl Rove's imminent indictment. Alas, the indictment never comes.

Brooks, you PRISSY LITTLE TOAD, if we wind up the the same space someday I'm gonna PUSH YOUR FACE IN so far you'll have to TAKE OFF YOUR SWEATER VEST JUST TO SNEEZE! And NOT just because you wrote another specious column, NOT because you can't seem to choose one key and SING THE ENTIRE FUCKING SONG IN IT, NO, not even because you pull out that ridiculous "left blogosphere" shit when I WILL PAY YOU $5 FOR ANY BLOG BEYOND KOS, ATRIOS, OR KEVIN DRUM YOU'VE EVER READ ON THE SUBJECT, HELL, ever read at all, for that matter, providing you'll pick up the money in person so I can KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU'VE GOT A GOITER! Is my minute up already?


Jaye Ramsey Sutter said...

Goddamn him.

Normally I eschew all forms of violence, but this bandbox bastard really, really needs his ass kicked.

I suppose if blogs had broke Watergate, he would cuss them, too.

Anonymous said...

Works for me. But then, I may be in a violent mood because Zoo Tycoon 2 just crashed again, for the fifth time since yesterday afternoon.

And *this*: Alas, the indictment never comes.

As someone once said in reference to a debunking of some rumor of an illegitimate child some politician was supposed to have had (and as I recall, the press enjoyed that one, too. Is there a common thread here? Why, it's Karl Rove! Does he have pictures of these guys at a goat orgy or something?), "That's a universal negative. Can you prove that?"

I'd pay to watch, btw. And I bet Jane Hamsher would hold him down for you.

Anonymous said...

Doghouse, I think you're feeling better!

Anonymous said...

And that's why I have to skip about 90% of the opinion section of the newspaper anymore.

eRobin said...

I'm with beginningtowonder. Glad you're feeling better ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're feeling enough better to snark. And what a snark it was! However, by way of a possible explanation of Brooks' prose stylings, I'm fairly well convinced he's on some sort of psychotropic drugs. What else would explain the phrase, in one of his columms last week, "the dewy green faeries (sic) of sanity?"

Anonymous said...

Nothing (sic) about faeries. Perfectly acceptable, though somewhat pretentious, spelling.
He just wanted to make sure no one thought it was a gay joke.

Anyway, as someone who takes psychotropic drugs, I can assure you that that sort of thing is actually what happens when you *don't*.

Anonymous said...

d. sidhe,
Sorry if my comment offended. I should have clarified that I meant the kind of psychotropic drugs that were all the rage in the Haight back in the day... Maybe he's having acid flashbacks?

spaghetti happens said...

No, please continue.

Anonymous said...

Not offended. It just amused me. If I wasn't such a pedant, I'd even have done an emoticon to demonstrate that originally, but they seem so unprofessional.

For the record, antidepressants are psychotropics, and Brooks seems like he could use a load of those as well, but I think he'd be very happy on Zyprexa.

He might even enjoy the side effects. I was informed, among other things, to notify my doctor immediately if I developed priapism. I pointed out that I'd notify Ripley's first.

As Brooks apparently is nothing more than a huge dick anyway, I think he'd appreciate it.

But I take your point. He may actually be abusing them.

Anonymous said...

I think drugs for Brooks' mentality would be classified as psychocrapic.

I'm also down with the ass-kicking but I suspect he'd respond to punches like a giant rubber weebil. (Yeah I know, there's nothing giant about him, but it's his mind that's really stunted.)

Anonymous said...

He *does* have that whole Bop The Clown Doll vibe going on.