Friday, June 16

I'm Beginning To Suspect It Was the Paperwork That Killed Him

Cesar Soriano, USAToday: "Iraqi leaders: Memo details al-Qaeda plans"
BAGHDAD — A captured al-Qaeda in Iraq document says the terrorist group considered drawing the United States into a war with Iran in order to undermine the success U.S. and Iraqi forces have had in weakening the organization.

Iraqi national security adviser Mouwafak al-Rubaie said the document, released Thursday, proves al-Qaeda in Iraq is in "pretty bad shape."

Yeah? And Iraqi national security, how's that lookin'?
Although the office of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said the document was found in Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's hide-out after a June 7 airstrike that killed him, a U.S. military spokesman, Maj. Gen. William Caldwell, said the document was found in a previous raid as part of a three-week operation to track Zarqawi. "We can verify that this information did come off some kind of computer asset that was at a safe location," Caldwell said. "This was prior to the al-Zarqawi safe house."

So the fourteen different versions of the death of Zarqawi didn't teach you guys anything about getting the story straight before you release it?
The memo says the insurgency is being hurt by the increasing capabilities of Iraqi security forces, a shortage of weapons and fighters, a lack of funds and internal divisions. The document says time is now on the side of the United States and not the insurgents.

What a bunch of Gloomy Guses these insurgents are! Just like Zarqawi's big hit CD from January '04 [insert wavy flashback lines]:
But America did not come to leave, and it will not leave no matter how numerous its wounds become and how much of its blood is spilled. It is looking to the near future, when it hopes to disappear into its bases secure and at ease and put the battlefields of Iraq into the hands of the foundling government with an army and police that will bring the behavior of Saddam and his myrmidons back to the people. There is no doubt that the space in which we can move has begun to shrink and that the grip around the throats of the mujahidin has begun to tighten. With the deployment of soldiers and police, the future has become frightening.

[fade in wavy "flashback return" lines] Prophetic, wasn't it? (My favorite part--besides calling Hussein "Saddam"--was the line "the Sunni Triangle, if this is the right name for it".) You might recall that CD was found on Hasan Ghul, who was sort of the Pakistani/al-Qaeda Fed-Ex man. He was captured in Baghdad, which was odd because he was captured by Kurdish security forces. He was on his way to Pakistan with Zarqawi's letter, which is why he was caught trying to sneak into Iraq. Oh, and it wasn't on a CD, it was printed out in his briefcase. In some way all this probably explains why the Iraqi national security adviser provides USAToday with copies of seized computer records which were handwritten in Arabic.
The memo says the insurgency is being hurt by the increasing capabilities of Iraqi security forces, a shortage of weapons and fighters, a lack of funds and internal divisions. The document says time is now on the side of the United States and not the insurgents.

The document says to reverse this trend, insurgents must:

•Use the media to improve their image.

•Infiltrate Iraq's security forces.

•Reorganize recruiting efforts.

•Lessen internal dissent and bolster respect for the insurgency's leadership.

I'm as big a fan of bullet points as anyone, but maybe
"• Watch out for falling bunker busters."
should have been somewhere near the top.
The document says the best plan for improving the "current bleak situation"

Oh, now, you gotta turn that frown upside down!
is "to entangle the American forces into another war against another country" or to create friction between the United States and its Shiite allies in Iraq.

The document recommends "first to exaggerate the Iranian danger and to convince America, and the West in general, of the real danger coming from Iran," it says.

The insurgents proposed fabricating "bogus messages" that Iran has chemical or nuclear weapons or that its agents planned to hit targets in the West.

Plus, they were totally gonna call up and order 100 million pizzas to be delivered to America, under the name I. Ranian.

Well, besides the superfluous paperwork, al-Qaeda in Iraq™ seems to have been going out of its way to piss off Shi'ites, and the concern with Hussein borders on the What the Fuck. I'm not sure I understand their thinking here.
Some experts questioned the authenticity of the document.

Okay, that's one possible explanation.

3 comments:

the bunny said...

I'll tell you why this is utter bullshit. No one of any importance in any organization ever types a memo that is negative. It is career suicide. Do you remember when Sherron Smith Watkins at Enron wrote Kenny-boy to tell him that his company was a fraud? This was notable because it HARDLY EVER happens. (As rare as a republican with a heart of gold.)

Texas Jaye said...

Memos? Bullshit.

KathyR said...

myrmidons?