The former: a weekly teevee program, When Moslem Animals Attack. It seems to be something a third of the population could really use. It wouldn't cost much: as we've seen, first in Canada, now in Miami, you don't have to write believable scripts, just point at a landmark and shout, "al-Qaeda!" It's likely the real FBI would be willing to appear, and perhaps even ante up in exchange for a production credit; hell, fake arrests may be just as much a resumé padder as the "real" ones they've been making. And you probably could get traveling Syrian musicians to play the terrists--our demo couldn't care less what happens to 'em after another plot is heroically foiled; the band looks menacingly into the camera, somebody makes a quick "cut" motion across the throat, and they pocket some quick change and split. And if anybody does ask we say, "Oh, yeah, well, we've got them incarcerated somewhere," [knowing wink] and that would be the end of the questions. For that matter you could use Mexican illegals with Holiday Inn towels on their heads. It obviously doesn't matter.
The latter: if you're a weekend CBS reporter whose name I didn't catch because I was half asleep and whose report I can't get off the website because everything connected to the Great Sears Tower Caper has either moved or won't work, and you're going to spew something like "There have been 260 terror convictions since 9/11" do you think you might list a couple? 'Cause it sounds suspiciously like somebody took Bush's "200 convictions" from a year ago and extrapolated to get the current figure, and the problem there is that the Washington Post, which has reporters, and sources, and Lexis/Nexis an' stuff, well, after searching for a week they managed to find thirty-nine. And they published that information. In their paper. As a group they're a bit underwhelming, but we'll let that slide. I know we've added a delusional "20th hijacker" and a second delusional Midwestern truck driver in the past year. Who are the other 219?