Wednesday, April 25

Laff Riot

SETUP: In 2005 the administration of Governor Mitch "I Am Standing Up" Daniels, the closest thing we have to a control group proving that the L. Paul Bremer III plan doesn't work outside of Iraq either, waits roughly ten minutes after the end of its first legislative session to begin negotiating with Wackenhut The GEO Group (Motto: "When Only An Armed Minimum-Wage Earner With Little or No Health Insurance Will Do") to run Indiana's prisons. Roughly twenty minutes later major Republican campaign contributor highly respected security specialist Wackenhut The GEO Group has a four-year contract (with extensions) to run the New Castle Correctional Facility. The prison, which was built in 2002, was at roughly one-quarter capacity. So before you could say " Major Republican campaign contributor Highly respected security specialist," Indiana went shopping for more felons. After a deal with California fell through, Arizona--whose major export appears to be prisoners--stepped up with an offer of $64 a day plus a wide selection of gang tattoos (Sorry, We Cannot Honor Specific Requests!).

Now, some of you may remember that all of this was occurring at the same time the administration was securing Ultra Top Secret bids for peddling The Indiana Toll Road, and while it was busy characterizing any and all opponents--"opponents" defined here as "anyone who thought we might take a minute to study the proposal"--as toothless inbreds who didn't understand the decimal monetary system. And that they were doing so at the same time major cracks were beginning to appear in other states' road sales programs. Texas has since decided that auctioning off state-owned thoroughfares is not a wise idea. Texas!

And the prisoner shopping is taking place after five riots involving exported inmates--two involving prisoners from Arizona--take place in four years. Which, as any forward-thinking person would suspect, leads to:

...the arrival of the first of the Arizona prisoners six weeks ago. Their number had risen to 600 before yesterday, on the way to a projected 1200. (According to the Arizona DoC, it had temporarily suspended prisoner transfers due to " serious security concerns" with the facility.)

Et voilà! You've got a recipe for Prison Riot soufflé even Rachael Ray could manage.

And so yesterday we got one, and were extremely fortunate the only reported injuries (two guards, five inmates) were minor.

PUNCHLINE: In response, the governor's office released a list of a previous disturbances at government-managed Indiana correctional facilities.

(material swiped from my two favorite Indiana political blogs Doug Masson and taking down words plus my least favorite Indianapolis daily newspaper, the


D. Sidhe said...

Midwestern States Governed By Surly Megalomaniacs With Napoleonic Complexes

That's a Jeopardy category, too, isn't it?

M. Bouffant said...

We heard here in the coastal hinterlands that the "riot" was a result of prisoners taking their shirts off in the yard, which the surly megalomaniac Napoleons apparently found offensive. Reminded me of Mr. Roberts, where the captain forbade the working enlisted stiffs loading/unloading cargo in the South Pacific (hot & humid, they say) from doffing their dungaree workshirts, and put the offenders on report. The more things change, the more they suck.