Monday, July 28

Mild Suburban Amusements, Vol. XIX

SUNDAY afternoon Larry jumped into my office window and started chattering, and I stopped to figure out what he was on about, and heard the unmistakable high-pitched, non-stop monologue of a sugar-buzzed five-year-old, which sounded close.  Too close.  So I looked out the window to see Parker, the aforementioned buzzee, tearing leaves off the autumn-blooming clematis growing on the lamp post.  I ran to the front door and threw it open.

DR:  Parker, just what do you think you're doing?
SB5: Stella (the neighbor's cat, sister to Keats) is under there!
DR:  Parker, do you know how to swim?
SB5: No.
DR: Well, I think it's amazing that in five years no one's seen fit to take advantage of that.


Hattie said...

You and a small boy, lost in some suburban hellhole.
It's a regular American tragedy.

heydave said...

The camera zooms to the boy's eyes; we see sunlight illuminating his eyelashes.

Slowly, very slowly, he blinks.

(Note to staff: Have we got a tape of a door on rusted hinges?)

Pearls and swine.

heydave said...

But while we're not on the subject, I'll see your Will Ferrell with my Adam Sandler, and raise you a Jim Carrey. Don't scare me your flock of mindless moviegoers!

But seriously, I don't know about the demographic differences between Iowa and Indiana, but our weather hairdos repeatedly warn that if you're driving car and hear the storm/tornado warning on teevee, please pull over!

Sator Arepo said...

If I'm not mistaken, the demographic difference between Iowa and Indiana is Illinois. Heh.