Monday, May 10
You Know (Cough Cough) I'd (Cough) Be There If I Could (Hack Hack)
TAKING a couple sick days, not because I'm sick, but because I was sick, and now I have to catch up on the work I didn't do when I did have a legitimate excuse. My Poor Wife'll vouch for me. Really.
Friday, May 7
Chuckles
Charles "Merkwürdigeliebe" Krauthammer, "How to Modernize Miranda for the Age of Terror". May 7
AH, yes, the Grand Old Notion that the American Right is competent and effective, despite all evidence pointing the opposite direction, because it talks like John Wayne doing An Evening with Richard Nixon. Brings back a lot of memories.
Leave us note at the beginning that Dr. Krauthammer is the intellectual force behind Bush Derangement Syndrome, a complex set of pathologies he and his colleagues at the Goldberg Flatulence Clinic identified about twenty minutes into Worst Presidency in History. And that's in his (thankfully non-practicing) professional capacity. Gives a little perspective on his amateur Constitutional Law rulings.
[We might, as long as we're at it, ask where, in (another) week dominated by his colleagues flying off the rails over immigrants, non-bombings, and, in perpetuity, The Socialism, Krauthammer's keeping his update on BDS-like manias? I'm sure the clinical world is getting anxious.]
Good point. We might've had to wait an extra twenty minutes for The Pakistani Taliban, Al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia, or Al-Sharpton in Flatbush to claim credit. No worries, though; if there's one thing this country's still good at it's drumming up blind terror and blinder analysis.
Oh, surely some of the credit goes to the thousands of dedicated bloggers who dropped everything at the merest suggestion the perp was a lone white guy.
Look, what is any of that supposed to mean? Who else would deserve the credit? He was caught, evidently, by standard, detail-oriented police work aided by the sorts of resources we're paying billions in Homeland Security Bucks to maintain. A job well done; the timing was partly due to luck. Appending this stuff to the Right's Jack Bauer fantasies accomplishes exactly nothing. (Okay, it furthers the cause of conflating pissed-off but incompetent homicidal maniacs with The Legion of Doom. So I take that back. It accomplishes less than nothing.)
As for "invoking" the public safety exception to Miranda, they didn't and don't. They may have acted under the exception; Holder said they did, but that was after he'd come under fire because an apprehended criminal, and US citizen, was treated like an apprehended criminal and US citizen. You can question a subject for hours or days without reading his Miranda warning, but at the risk of losing before the bar whatever evidence you obtain. You don't "invoke" the public safety exception to do so; you use that in court as a justification for having done so. Given the timbre of such cases over the past eight years, and the extra-Constitutional powers claimed, or merely grabbed, by the Executive branch, the authorities already operate with something between a reasonable belief and a dead-on certainty that the suspect isn't going anywhere for a decade or more anyway.
What about the very abuses the Constitutional protections are designed to prevent?
Why is that never part of the equation? Krauthammer's argument applies to any sort of criminal activity. Why not use the public safety exception to ignore Miranda altogether? The possibility for unnamed, unready, and yet unplanned conspiracies is practically infinite, and it's not restricted to "enemy combatants".
This is the worst sort of libertoonian logic wedded to Nixonian politics. It's a simple thing to propose draconian measures when you think they'll be restricted to your enemies. And it's particularly easy when you get to announce that your plan is effective, and you're not required to even suggest how such a thing is worded to assure it's only little brown men who get the pike.
John McCain's been in Congress since before 9/11. Joe Lieberman, too (have I thanked you lately, Connecticut?). Where's the Constitutional amendment? Where's the legislation from the Homeland Security committee? This is another goddam Flag Burning amendment, something designed to swing at, miss, and let the bat fly out of your hands and hit a Democrat with. How did an entire party turn into ratfuckers?
Seven-hundred-fifty words on Constitutional law from "the most important conservative columnist" and he's never heard of a confession being ruled inadmissible, over Miranda or anything else? Have I thanked you lately, Washington Post?
Yeah, I'm sure all those members of the Senate appropriations subcommittee would've leapt in unison to Eric Holder's defense.
Wait. Do either of those options come with "Locking up Charles Krauthammer for the public good"? Or pie?
That's the same Obama administration which has escalated the Afghan war and spread it into Pakistan in search of these guys, right? Yeah, total wimps.
I've got a better idea. Why not use the existing Constitution (you know, the one you guys are always going on about how the Original Intent of the Founders is the only proper way to interpret it?) and simply make the War on Terra a declared war? Then you could treat them as civilians in violation of International Humanitarian Law, and they'd be subject to criminal prosecution under the domestic laws of the United States.
Oh. Never mind.
AH, yes, the Grand Old Notion that the American Right is competent and effective, despite all evidence pointing the opposite direction, because it talks like John Wayne doing An Evening with Richard Nixon. Brings back a lot of memories.
Leave us note at the beginning that Dr. Krauthammer is the intellectual force behind Bush Derangement Syndrome, a complex set of pathologies he and his colleagues at the Goldberg Flatulence Clinic identified about twenty minutes into Worst Presidency in History. And that's in his (thankfully non-practicing) professional capacity. Gives a little perspective on his amateur Constitutional Law rulings.
[We might, as long as we're at it, ask where, in (another) week dominated by his colleagues flying off the rails over immigrants, non-bombings, and, in perpetuity, The Socialism, Krauthammer's keeping his update on BDS-like manias? I'm sure the clinical world is getting anxious.]
"[Law enforcement] interviewed Mr. Shahzad . . . under the public safety exception to the Miranda rule. . . . He was eventually transported to another location, Mirandized and continued talking."
-- John Pistole, FBI deputy director, May 4
All well and good. But what if Faisal Shahzad, the confessed Times Square bomber, had stopped talking? When you tell someone he has the right to remain silent, there is a distinct possibility that he will remain silent, is there not? And then what?
Good point. We might've had to wait an extra twenty minutes for The Pakistani Taliban, Al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia, or Al-Sharpton in Flatbush to claim credit. No worries, though; if there's one thing this country's still good at it's drumming up blind terror and blinder analysis.
The authorities deserve full credit for capturing Shahzad within 54 hours. Credit is also due them for obtaining information from him by invoking the "public safety" exception to the Miranda rule.
Oh, surely some of the credit goes to the thousands of dedicated bloggers who dropped everything at the merest suggestion the perp was a lone white guy.
Look, what is any of that supposed to mean? Who else would deserve the credit? He was caught, evidently, by standard, detail-oriented police work aided by the sorts of resources we're paying billions in Homeland Security Bucks to maintain. A job well done; the timing was partly due to luck. Appending this stuff to the Right's Jack Bauer fantasies accomplishes exactly nothing. (Okay, it furthers the cause of conflating pissed-off but incompetent homicidal maniacs with The Legion of Doom. So I take that back. It accomplishes less than nothing.)
As for "invoking" the public safety exception to Miranda, they didn't and don't. They may have acted under the exception; Holder said they did, but that was after he'd come under fire because an apprehended criminal, and US citizen, was treated like an apprehended criminal and US citizen. You can question a subject for hours or days without reading his Miranda warning, but at the risk of losing before the bar whatever evidence you obtain. You don't "invoke" the public safety exception to do so; you use that in court as a justification for having done so. Given the timbre of such cases over the past eight years, and the extra-Constitutional powers claimed, or merely grabbed, by the Executive branch, the authorities already operate with something between a reasonable belief and a dead-on certainty that the suspect isn't going anywhere for a decade or more anyway.
But then Shahzad was Mirandized. If he had decided to shut up, it would have denied us valuable information -- everything he is presumably telling us now about Pakistani contacts, training, plans for other possible plots beyond the Times Square attack.
The public safety exception is sometimes called the "ticking time bomb" exception. But what about information regarding bombs not yet ticking but being planned and readied to kill later?
What about the very abuses the Constitutional protections are designed to prevent?
Why is that never part of the equation? Krauthammer's argument applies to any sort of criminal activity. Why not use the public safety exception to ignore Miranda altogether? The possibility for unnamed, unready, and yet unplanned conspiracies is practically infinite, and it's not restricted to "enemy combatants".
This is the worst sort of libertoonian logic wedded to Nixonian politics. It's a simple thing to propose draconian measures when you think they'll be restricted to your enemies. And it's particularly easy when you get to announce that your plan is effective, and you're not required to even suggest how such a thing is worded to assure it's only little brown men who get the pike.
John McCain's been in Congress since before 9/11. Joe Lieberman, too (have I thanked you lately, Connecticut?). Where's the Constitutional amendment? Where's the legislation from the Homeland Security committee? This is another goddam Flag Burning amendment, something designed to swing at, miss, and let the bat fly out of your hands and hit a Democrat with. How did an entire party turn into ratfuckers?
In this case, however, Miranda warnings were superfluous. Shahzad had confessed to the car-bombing attempt while being interrogated under the public safety exception. That's admissible evidence.
Seven-hundred-fifty words on Constitutional law from "the most important conservative columnist" and he's never heard of a confession being ruled inadmissible, over Miranda or anything else? Have I thanked you lately, Washington Post?
Second, even assuming that by not Mirandizing him we might have jeopardized our chances of getting some convictions -- so what?
Yeah, I'm sure all those members of the Senate appropriations subcommittee would've leapt in unison to Eric Holder's defense.
Which is more important: (a) gaining, a year or two hence, the conviction of a pigeon -- the last and now least important link in this terror chain -- whom we could surely lock up on explosives and weapons charges, or (b) preventing future terror attacks on Americans by learning from Shahzad what he might know about terror plots in Pakistan and sleeper cells in the United States?
Wait. Do either of those options come with "Locking up Charles Krauthammer for the public good"? Or pie?
But let's assume you're wedded to the civilian law-enforcement model, as is the Obama administration.
That's the same Obama administration which has escalated the Afghan war and spread it into Pakistan in search of these guys, right? Yeah, total wimps.
At least make an attempt to expand the public safety exception to Miranda in a way that takes into account the jihadist war that did not exist when that exception was narrowly drawn by the Supreme Court in the 1984 Quarles case.
I've got a better idea. Why not use the existing Constitution (you know, the one you guys are always going on about how the Original Intent of the Founders is the only proper way to interpret it?) and simply make the War on Terra a declared war? Then you could treat them as civilians in violation of International Humanitarian Law, and they'd be subject to criminal prosecution under the domestic laws of the United States.
Oh. Never mind.
Thursday, May 6
The Garage-Sale SPECTRE
Mark Mazzetti and Scott Shane, "Evidence Mounts for Taliban Role in Car Bomb Plot". May 5
HERE'S a fun rainy-day activity for the kids: have 'em read this article--as I write it occupies the Sweet Spot on the Times homepage--and Find the Evidence! Have them circle anything that isn't rank speculation, groundless fear-mongering, a factoid already in evidence, or downright risible given the facts of the case. First one to one wins.
Look, guys: these are the people who brought you the Iraq war intel, the Color Coded Terror Alert System, and the death or capture of enough #2 Men in al-Qaeda to fill the Rose Bowl. I'm not saying you don't report the Twinkee filling "American officials" are squeezing out; I'm just saying you might give some indication that you realize some air might've gotten whipped into the mix at some point.
A glancing blow?
Yeah. Because they hope it will lead them right to The Pakistani Taliban's #2 Man.
Okay, so, a couple things: one, what sort of terrorist threat is supposed to come from an organization which names itself like a Bush administration (I or II) military operation in reverse? "Operation Eternal Freedom From Above". "Al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia". "The Pakistani Taliban". "Quad Cities Islamofascist Club". It's like the DYMO™ label you'd stick on your collection of terrorists if you wanted to keep them organized. Two, how is it the Couldabomber threat has increased the farther we are away from it, y'know, not exploding an' killing all those people? Are we now supposed to treat the initial reports of amateurishness as inoperative? Propane tanks, fireworks, gasoline, and (non-explosive) fertilizer. That's not "an explosives-filled sport utility vehicle"; it's a wish list for an incompetent 13-year-old suburban kid who's planning on offing some neighborhood pets. It's actually "a vehicle filled with shit that might explode, under certain (and very different) circumstances". What sort of training do you need for that? We're certainly not privy to all the info, but in the absence of any American officials saying otherwise, you appear to have a guy who filled his beater car with stuff that would explode, or he thought would explode, based on nothing more than a cursory familiarity with the concept of "fertilizer bomb", left some ignition source burning, and took off. Lo! and Behold! somebody in Times Fucking Square noticed the thing smoking and sounded the alarm. I guess that's something no amount of high-tech terror training could have prepared you for, but what's next? The M-80s go off? Which accomplishes what? Somebody twists an ankle on the curb while running away? Vast throngs gather around a strange vehicle to enjoy the unscheduled fireworks display? And then what? They set off the gasoline? Maybe. Given the apparent level of expertise we've seen up to now I'm betting against it, but if so, sure, big explosion. Enough to set off the propane tanks? Maybe, assuming the fire burns long and hot enough, at which point you might kill or injure a responding fireman or two, but for any of this to've killed large numbers of civilians they'd practically have had to volunteer.
And, look, as for The Pakistani Taliban "inspiring" Mr. Shahzad's murderous intentions, wouldn't five minutes reading Red State have accomplished the same thing?
Which reminds me: thanks again, Connecticut and Massachusetts.
Which reminds me: whatever happened to John Ashcroft?
A twenty-year-old Nissan Pathfinder and a $1000 ticket to Dubai. Plus snacks and tips. Are we sure Goldfinger was killed when he was sucked out of that plane?
Well, it's a good thing we're there, then.
Well, it's a good thing we're there, then.
And the only thing standing between us and them is a massive military, a nuclear arsenal, and our Strategic Steet-Corner Vendor reserves.
Reminders? Then could you please remind me the first time that possibility was part of the national debate on our Mideast adventurism?
HERE'S a fun rainy-day activity for the kids: have 'em read this article--as I write it occupies the Sweet Spot on the Times homepage--and Find the Evidence! Have them circle anything that isn't rank speculation, groundless fear-mongering, a factoid already in evidence, or downright risible given the facts of the case. First one to one wins.
Look, guys: these are the people who brought you the Iraq war intel, the Color Coded Terror Alert System, and the death or capture of enough #2 Men in al-Qaeda to fill the Rose Bowl. I'm not saying you don't report the Twinkee filling "American officials" are squeezing out; I'm just saying you might give some indication that you realize some air might've gotten whipped into the mix at some point.
WASHINGTON — American officials said Wednesday that it was very likely that a radical group once thought unable to attack the United States had played a role in the bombing attempt in Times Square, elevating concerns about whether other militant groups could deliver at least a glancing blow on American soil.
A glancing blow?
Officials said that after two days of intense questioning of the bombing suspect, Faisal Shahzad, evidence was mounting that the group, the Pakistani Taliban, had helped inspire and train Mr. Shahzad in the months before he is alleged to have parked an explosives-filled sport utility vehicle in a busy Manhattan intersection on Saturday night. Officials said Mr. Shahzad had discussed his contacts with the group, and investigators had accumulated other evidence that they would not disclose.
Yeah. Because they hope it will lead them right to The Pakistani Taliban's #2 Man.
Okay, so, a couple things: one, what sort of terrorist threat is supposed to come from an organization which names itself like a Bush administration (I or II) military operation in reverse? "Operation Eternal Freedom From Above". "Al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia". "The Pakistani Taliban". "Quad Cities Islamofascist Club". It's like the DYMO™ label you'd stick on your collection of terrorists if you wanted to keep them organized. Two, how is it the Couldabomber threat has increased the farther we are away from it, y'know, not exploding an' killing all those people? Are we now supposed to treat the initial reports of amateurishness as inoperative? Propane tanks, fireworks, gasoline, and (non-explosive) fertilizer. That's not "an explosives-filled sport utility vehicle"; it's a wish list for an incompetent 13-year-old suburban kid who's planning on offing some neighborhood pets. It's actually "a vehicle filled with shit that might explode, under certain (and very different) circumstances". What sort of training do you need for that? We're certainly not privy to all the info, but in the absence of any American officials saying otherwise, you appear to have a guy who filled his beater car with stuff that would explode, or he thought would explode, based on nothing more than a cursory familiarity with the concept of "fertilizer bomb", left some ignition source burning, and took off. Lo! and Behold! somebody in Times Fucking Square noticed the thing smoking and sounded the alarm. I guess that's something no amount of high-tech terror training could have prepared you for, but what's next? The M-80s go off? Which accomplishes what? Somebody twists an ankle on the curb while running away? Vast throngs gather around a strange vehicle to enjoy the unscheduled fireworks display? And then what? They set off the gasoline? Maybe. Given the apparent level of expertise we've seen up to now I'm betting against it, but if so, sure, big explosion. Enough to set off the propane tanks? Maybe, assuming the fire burns long and hot enough, at which point you might kill or injure a responding fireman or two, but for any of this to've killed large numbers of civilians they'd practically have had to volunteer.
And, look, as for The Pakistani Taliban "inspiring" Mr. Shahzad's murderous intentions, wouldn't five minutes reading Red State have accomplished the same thing?
The failed attack has produced a flurry of other proposals to tighten security procedures, including calls by members of Congress to more closely scrutinize passengers who buy tickets with cash, as Mr. Shahzad did. Senator Joseph I. Lieberman, independent of Connecticut, and Senator Scott Brown, Republican of Massachusetts, proposed stripping terrorism suspects of American citizenship
Which reminds me: thanks again, Connecticut and Massachusetts.
and Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg asked Congress to block the sale of firearms and explosives to those on terrorist watch lists.
Which reminds me: whatever happened to John Ashcroft?
One issue that investigators are vigorously pursuing is who provided Mr. Shahzad cash to buy the S.U.V. and his plane ticket to Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates. “Somebody’s financially sponsoring him, and that’s the link we’re pursuing,” one official said. “And that would take you on the logic train back to Pak-Taliban authorizations,” the official said, referring to the group.
A twenty-year-old Nissan Pathfinder and a $1000 ticket to Dubai. Plus snacks and tips. Are we sure Goldfinger was killed when he was sucked out of that plane?
American officials said it had become increasingly difficult to separate the operations of the militant groups in Pakistan’s tribal areas. The region, they said, has become a stew of like-minded organizations plotting attacks in Pakistani cities, across the border into Afghanistan, and on targets in Western Europe and the United States.
Well, it's a good thing we're there, then.
The C.I.A.’s drone program in Pakistan, which was accelerated in 2008 and expanded by President Obama last year, has enjoyed strong bipartisan support in Washington in part because it was perceived as eliminating dangerous militants while keeping Americans safe.
Well, it's a good thing we're there, then.
Denis McDonough, the chief of staff for the National Security Council, said the Times Square attempted bombing showed that Pakistan and the United States faced a common enemy, calling it “a pretty stark reminder that the same collection of terrorists that are threatening them are threatening us.”
And the only thing standing between us and them is a massive military, a nuclear arsenal, and our Strategic Steet-Corner Vendor reserves.
But the attack in December on a C.I.A. base in Afghanistan, and now possibly the failed S.U.V. attack in Manhattan, are reminders that the drones’ very success may be provoking a costly response.
Reminders? Then could you please remind me the first time that possibility was part of the national debate on our Mideast adventurism?
Wednesday, May 5
But, Then, We All Like Meatballs
David Brooks, "The Limits of Policy". May 3
A PARTICULARLY filling exercise from Brooks. Dread, nausea, disgust, despair, weltschmerz, take your pick. Or try the combo platter:
O Lord, this is not going to be good…
Dear God, it's going to be worse than that…
Okay, we haven't even started the column yet, and we've already managed to combine 1) The Amateur Sociology Means Never Having To Spell Rigor routine; 2) The Government Never Completely Solves Any Problems, So Let's Not Try (Defense and Protection of Capital Excluded) gambit; and 3) The Look, It's Not Racism, It's Just A Cold, Hard Appraisal of the Facts maneuver these guys have been scrabbling for since The Bell Curve.
And y'know, you'd think that with two "reasonable" "conservatives" pushing t-shirt carts around the Times Op-Ed mall, at least one of 'em could manage to remain calm, or whatever it is passes for rational, in the wake of the Arizona party disgracing its entire end of the political spectrum (assuming, arguendo, that such a thing is even possible any more). And, as so often, you'd be wrong, although Douthat (!) did manage to remain calm enough to try to frame the issue as A Question of Immigration and the Unhelpful Lefty Elites Who Scream "Fascist!" at People Who Are Only Trying To Clean Up The Federal Government's Mess.
[This reminds me, by the way, that at some point since the Times Square Couldabomber story broke I overheard some national news hairdo describe the Vietnam vets who alerted the authorities as "men who'd fought for Our Freedom". Now, my experience of that war and the men who served in it comes direct, not as some facile, third-hand, Hallmark-card-magnetic-yellow-ribbon-on-the-family-Panzer sentiment. I knew men--boys--who went because they were drafted, who volunteered, who never thought of anything but becoming soldiers, or who saw no other economic opportunities. I had a friend come back a paraplegic, fail to adjust to life in a chair, and die within five years. I've known men who came home to lead normal lives, and men who spent years on the streets in their BDUs. And I've never heard even the Gungest of the Hos among them talk about "fighting for Our Freedom", at least not before the eleventh beer. The right to prop up a corrupt and decadent colonial mandarin system a century out of date against the wishes of an agrarian people who'd done us no harm and who, in fact, had bravely fought the Japanese, while their colonial masters were busy collaborating, by dropping more ordinance on 'em than the combined tonnage of two world wars is not "Freedom." Freedom's just another word for "I don't want to trouble my beautiful mind learning unpleasant facts, at least not right before my Pilates class." ]
There, now. All better.
Of, of course not. It's to say we shouldn't make any social policy, because someone in the chattering classes might point out it's not perfect.
Of course, that's just the sort of thing you'd expect a New York Jew to say.
Look down there. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you £20,000 for every dot that stopped would you really, Old Man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare? Free of income tax, Old Man; free of income tax. Only way you can save money nowadays.
Dear God, this sort of thing passes for reasoned opinion these days at the Times, and it passes for argument in David Brooks' head. I don't know which is worse.
Y'know, Mr. Brooks, maybe in the place of your umpteenth rereading of Burke this weekend, and those endless salons where the fifty-seven varieties of American "Conservatism" are endlessly reforged in philosophy's fires, you could, I dunno, read any standard text on the history of Native Americans post-contact, or start in on Taylor Branch's history of the King years, or All God's Dangers: The Life of Nate Shaw. In other words, maybe you could spare a few minutes to consider what was actually done politically, over centuries, what enormities were visited on the African-American and Native American populations, and how those have shaped and shaded various "cultures and ethnic philosophies". Y'know, instead of contenting yourself with the idea that you're not being racist because the Heathen Chinee seem to be doing okay. There's no such thing as absolving yourself of the moral, ethical, and political responsibility just because you find them convenient to ignore when profit's involved. Sure, it may be trite to point out that it isn't your ox being gored here, but the point is that it's still fucking necessary, even though it's within your lifetime that African-Americans weren't allowed to sully the drinking fountains of their White betters. If you really believed all this then your professional career would be studded with severe criticism of your own party for capitalizing on Race, and for using the poor as a political football. Instead we get your stagy pretense that you personally are above it all. And closing your ears to it doesn't ameliorate the shame.
Yeah. The only thing money can buy you is an invincible military.
Sheesh. The poorest Americans? According to the Official poverty guidelines, it's $22,000 for a family of four. At $44,000 they're supposed to be living high on the hog, watching Masterpiece Theatre, and selecting grad schools? All worry free? Because all social obstacles just melt away when you can afford to eat at Red Lobster twice a month?
Shit. You can't even maintain the façade of the argument ("We shouldn't strive to do much by social legislation because there's no overweening consensus in the social sciences") for 800 words; all evidence that agrees with you is unquestioned. You're talking about great masses of people who were legally prohibited from cultural enrichment for centuries, whose own culture was scorned and dismissed, and whose incredibly brave struggle for basic rights under the law has been systematically opposed for forty-five years by one of our two political parties. Yours, Mr. Brooks. Not coincidentally.
By dredging them up every election cycle.
A PARTICULARLY filling exercise from Brooks. Dread, nausea, disgust, despair, weltschmerz, take your pick. Or try the combo platter:
Roughly a century ago, many Swedes immigrated to America. They’ve done very well here. Only about 6.7 percent of Swedish-Americans live in poverty. Also a century ago, many Swedes decided to remain in Sweden. They’ve done well there, too. When two economists calculated Swedish poverty rates according to the American standard, they found that 6.7 percent of the Swedes in Sweden were living in poverty.
O Lord, this is not going to be good…
In other words, you had two groups with similar historical backgrounds living in entirely different political systems, and the poverty outcomes were the same.
Dear God, it's going to be worse than that…
A similar pattern applies to health care. In 1950, Swedes lived an average of 2.6 years longer than Americans. Over the next half-century, Sweden and the U.S. diverged politically. Sweden built a large welfare state with a national health service, while the U.S. did not. The result? There was basically no change in the life expectancy gap. Swedes now live 2.7 years longer.
Again, huge policy differences. Not huge outcome differences.
Okay, we haven't even started the column yet, and we've already managed to combine 1) The Amateur Sociology Means Never Having To Spell Rigor routine; 2) The Government Never Completely Solves Any Problems, So Let's Not Try (Defense and Protection of Capital Excluded) gambit; and 3) The Look, It's Not Racism, It's Just A Cold, Hard Appraisal of the Facts maneuver these guys have been scrabbling for since The Bell Curve.
And y'know, you'd think that with two "reasonable" "conservatives" pushing t-shirt carts around the Times Op-Ed mall, at least one of 'em could manage to remain calm, or whatever it is passes for rational, in the wake of the Arizona party disgracing its entire end of the political spectrum (assuming, arguendo, that such a thing is even possible any more). And, as so often, you'd be wrong, although Douthat (!) did manage to remain calm enough to try to frame the issue as A Question of Immigration and the Unhelpful Lefty Elites Who Scream "Fascist!" at People Who Are Only Trying To Clean Up The Federal Government's Mess.
[This reminds me, by the way, that at some point since the Times Square Couldabomber story broke I overheard some national news hairdo describe the Vietnam vets who alerted the authorities as "men who'd fought for Our Freedom". Now, my experience of that war and the men who served in it comes direct, not as some facile, third-hand, Hallmark-card-magnetic-yellow-ribbon-on-the-family-Panzer sentiment. I knew men--boys--who went because they were drafted, who volunteered, who never thought of anything but becoming soldiers, or who saw no other economic opportunities. I had a friend come back a paraplegic, fail to adjust to life in a chair, and die within five years. I've known men who came home to lead normal lives, and men who spent years on the streets in their BDUs. And I've never heard even the Gungest of the Hos among them talk about "fighting for Our Freedom", at least not before the eleventh beer. The right to prop up a corrupt and decadent colonial mandarin system a century out of date against the wishes of an agrarian people who'd done us no harm and who, in fact, had bravely fought the Japanese, while their colonial masters were busy collaborating, by dropping more ordinance on 'em than the combined tonnage of two world wars is not "Freedom." Freedom's just another word for "I don't want to trouble my beautiful mind learning unpleasant facts, at least not right before my Pilates class." ]
There, now. All better.
This is not to say that policy choices are meaningless.
Of, of course not. It's to say we shouldn't make any social policy, because someone in the chattering classes might point out it's not perfect.
But we should be realistic about them. The influence of politics and policy is usually swamped by the influence of culture, ethnicity, psychology and a dozen other factors.
Of course, that's just the sort of thing you'd expect a New York Jew to say.
The region you live in also makes a gigantic difference in how you will live. There are certain high-trust regions where highly educated people congregate, producing positive feedback loops of good culture and good human capital programs. This mostly happens in the northeastern states like New Jersey and Connecticut. There are other regions with low social trust, low education levels and negative feedback loops. This mostly happens in southern states like Arkansas and West Virginia.
Look down there. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you £20,000 for every dot that stopped would you really, Old Man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare? Free of income tax, Old Man; free of income tax. Only way you can save money nowadays.
If you combine the influence of ethnicity and region, you get astounding lifestyle gaps. The average Asian-American in New Jersey lives an amazing 26 years longer and is 11 times more likely to have a graduate degree than the average American Indian in South Dakota.
Dear God, this sort of thing passes for reasoned opinion these days at the Times, and it passes for argument in David Brooks' head. I don't know which is worse.
Y'know, Mr. Brooks, maybe in the place of your umpteenth rereading of Burke this weekend, and those endless salons where the fifty-seven varieties of American "Conservatism" are endlessly reforged in philosophy's fires, you could, I dunno, read any standard text on the history of Native Americans post-contact, or start in on Taylor Branch's history of the King years, or All God's Dangers: The Life of Nate Shaw. In other words, maybe you could spare a few minutes to consider what was actually done politically, over centuries, what enormities were visited on the African-American and Native American populations, and how those have shaped and shaded various "cultures and ethnic philosophies". Y'know, instead of contenting yourself with the idea that you're not being racist because the Heathen Chinee seem to be doing okay. There's no such thing as absolving yourself of the moral, ethical, and political responsibility just because you find them convenient to ignore when profit's involved. Sure, it may be trite to point out that it isn't your ox being gored here, but the point is that it's still fucking necessary, even though it's within your lifetime that African-Americans weren't allowed to sully the drinking fountains of their White betters. If you really believed all this then your professional career would be studded with severe criticism of your own party for capitalizing on Race, and for using the poor as a political football. Instead we get your stagy pretense that you personally are above it all. And closing your ears to it doesn't ameliorate the shame.
It is very hard for policy makers to use money to directly alter these viewpoints.
Yeah. The only thing money can buy you is an invincible military.
In her book, “What Money Can’t Buy,” Susan E. Mayer of the University of Chicago calculated what would happen if you could double the income of the poorest Americans. The results would be disappointingly small. Doubling parental income would barely reduce dropout rates of the children. It would have a small effect on reducing teen pregnancy. It would barely improve child outcomes overall.
Sheesh. The poorest Americans? According to the Official poverty guidelines, it's $22,000 for a family of four. At $44,000 they're supposed to be living high on the hog, watching Masterpiece Theatre, and selecting grad schools? All worry free? Because all social obstacles just melt away when you can afford to eat at Red Lobster twice a month?
Shit. You can't even maintain the façade of the argument ("We shouldn't strive to do much by social legislation because there's no overweening consensus in the social sciences") for 800 words; all evidence that agrees with you is unquestioned. You're talking about great masses of people who were legally prohibited from cultural enrichment for centuries, whose own culture was scorned and dismissed, and whose incredibly brave struggle for basic rights under the law has been systematically opposed for forty-five years by one of our two political parties. Yours, Mr. Brooks. Not coincidentally.
Finally, we should all probably calm down about politics. Most of the proposals we argue about so ferociously will have only marginal effects on how we live, especially compared with the ethnic, regional and social differences that we so studiously ignore.
By dredging them up every election cycle.
Tuesday, May 4
Moderate, n. A Guy Who Needs Only One House To Fall On Him Before He Notices.
ITEM: Schwarzenegger Withdraws Support for Offshore Drilling. Which, mind you, was "supposed to" fund Cali's state parks, a sort of West Coast version of Mitch Daniels™ Brand fiscal responsibility, where you sell off state assets you're only temporarily in charge of in order to provide something your base wants to have without paying for it. Though in Indiana's case it's pavement, not trees.
ITEM: Administration in PR "Panic" Over Oil Spill. First, if I woke up to Mike Allen every morning I'd give serious consideration to sleeping until noon, or Eternal Rest; hell, just the fact that I live in a country where administration officials won't eat breakfast without checking the US magazine of politics is enough to make me ponder the Big Sleep.
Aw, gee, ya think?
Maybe it's just that I'm old, but I find myself more astonished, on an almost hourly basis, at the fact that "adulthood" is supposed to require balancing of Obvious Fucking Facts Staring You in the Face with some abiding metaphysical assurance that Profits are talismanic. This, despite the fact that it always winds up operating in reverse; once you deed control over the environment to someone whose sole concern is how much money can be wrung from it, the only question is how big the disaster is going to be.
Okay, that, plus how much we're going to increase it by playing footsie with the profiteers beforehand. (See Joe Conason on Norway's offshore drilling.)
What changed, exactly, between the Drill Baby Drill Convention of '08 and last month? What changed between last month and today? Why does it take an environmental disaster (and far from the first one) to alert you to the potential for environmental disaster?
Would now be a good time to remind you that one reason we're having this "debate" is that we had this debate thirty years ago, when "conservation" and "energy independence" were synonymous with "Malaise"? When the President's PR "Panic" was that someone would catch him with Jimmy Carter's solar panels on his roof?
Incidentally, it's interesting that one of our two major political parties voted en mass against the notion that we can give every American health care, but apparently think we can afford unlimited risk to life and livelihood so long as it's in the name of private enrichment. The Indiana primaries are today, and thank god, as we might get a week's respite from political ads. All Republicans favor jobs and small children, so long as they're their own or their grandchildren, though in Dan Burton's case they could be Romanian stunt doubles. Todd Rokita, best known as the Indiana Secretary of State who figured his office was a grand excuse for putting his name on everything that wasn't nailed down, then buying teevee time to publicize it, bemoans the fact that his newborn son was born $40,000 in debt thanks to the Gubmint. Or some number he pulled from his ass. It's funny that this concern never extends to Young Rokita being born hostage to utility companies, landlords, currency speculators, multinational corporations, or all the people his father's beholden to for financing his million-dollar campaigns. Cute kid, though.
ITEM: Administration in PR "Panic" Over Oil Spill. First, if I woke up to Mike Allen every morning I'd give serious consideration to sleeping until noon, or Eternal Rest; hell, just the fact that I live in a country where administration officials won't eat breakfast without checking the US magazine of politics is enough to make me ponder the Big Sleep.
In fact, conversations at the time of the spill on April 20 show that West Wing aides were worried about the rig tragedy from the moment it was reported. Even before the scope of the disaster was clear, these aides knew that it would undermine, if not reverse, Obama’s support for increased offshore oil drilling.
Aw, gee, ya think?
Maybe it's just that I'm old, but I find myself more astonished, on an almost hourly basis, at the fact that "adulthood" is supposed to require balancing of Obvious Fucking Facts Staring You in the Face with some abiding metaphysical assurance that Profits are talismanic. This, despite the fact that it always winds up operating in reverse; once you deed control over the environment to someone whose sole concern is how much money can be wrung from it, the only question is how big the disaster is going to be.
Okay, that, plus how much we're going to increase it by playing footsie with the profiteers beforehand. (See Joe Conason on Norway's offshore drilling.)
What changed, exactly, between the Drill Baby Drill Convention of '08 and last month? What changed between last month and today? Why does it take an environmental disaster (and far from the first one) to alert you to the potential for environmental disaster?
Would now be a good time to remind you that one reason we're having this "debate" is that we had this debate thirty years ago, when "conservation" and "energy independence" were synonymous with "Malaise"? When the President's PR "Panic" was that someone would catch him with Jimmy Carter's solar panels on his roof?
Incidentally, it's interesting that one of our two major political parties voted en mass against the notion that we can give every American health care, but apparently think we can afford unlimited risk to life and livelihood so long as it's in the name of private enrichment. The Indiana primaries are today, and thank god, as we might get a week's respite from political ads. All Republicans favor jobs and small children, so long as they're their own or their grandchildren, though in Dan Burton's case they could be Romanian stunt doubles. Todd Rokita, best known as the Indiana Secretary of State who figured his office was a grand excuse for putting his name on everything that wasn't nailed down, then buying teevee time to publicize it, bemoans the fact that his newborn son was born $40,000 in debt thanks to the Gubmint. Or some number he pulled from his ass. It's funny that this concern never extends to Young Rokita being born hostage to utility companies, landlords, currency speculators, multinational corporations, or all the people his father's beholden to for financing his million-dollar campaigns. Cute kid, though.
Monday, May 3
There Are 8 Million Stories In The Naked City. F*ck The Rest Of Them.
I am more dismayed at the continuing degeneration of criminal initiative in my city. In the Times Square of my youth a Nissan parked with the keys in the ignition would've been gone in sixty seconds whether smoking or not.
R. Porrofatto, at Roy's.
MAYBE it's just me, but I could swear that Times SquareWhite Male Loner Amateur Concoction of Propane Tanks, M-80s, and Miracle-Gro™ Car Bomb of Mass Destruction got more dangerous the longer it had been defused. By Sunday, of course, the ear-splitting non-explosion was possibly the work of the Pakistani Taliban, an organization previously known as an adjective and a noun; earlier, NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly had told a not-quite-anxious-enough city that the arrangement could have caused "a significant fireball". Sheesh, Officer, it was a Nissan SUV beater. Could'a caused a significant fireball with a loose fuel line and a discarded cigarette. Could'a caused double-digit fatalities just being a vehicle.
I live in Indianapolis, 700 miles and half a world away, and just within the past week a) the Targeted Polyhedron Weather Siren program was shelved, due to a software glitch; we're returning for the nonce to the old "set 'em off whenever the barometer falls" program, which was scheduled to be replaced because everybody ignores constant warnings that don't pan out; and b) it was announced that the 9/11-based hydraulic vehicle barrier around the Statehouse hasn't been working for over a year, because it got rained on. You'll forgive a certain jaundiced view of the whole Emergency Response Game if you detect one coming from this direction. Funny thing about Expertise: you always have much more of it before it's tested.
As far as I'm concern the "News" can fluff the Terra angle every time the cops find a car with a gas can and a bag of potting soil in the back; it makes it less likely the public will listen to professional pants-pissing of the politically-motivated variety. What I don't quite get, or maybe I do, is how this little Factlet of Life gets missed. Especially as this comes from the same "News" readers who've reported the difficulty the weather service has trying to balance awareness and Klaxon Fatigue. Or who might be in the best position to recall that Liberal Touchy-Feely Trying To Understand The Terrorists After 9/11 was Objectively Pro-Fifth Columnist.
Why do we still give Terrists (and Army Germ Bomb doctors, and other White Male psychopaths) the publicity they crave? It's curious that this time, just like the Underpants Bomber Disaster and the Smartass Middle-Eastern Diplomat Rogue Bathroom Smoker Disaster, the initial reports were almost businesslike. And the initial reticence lasts about sixty minutes, after which the hunt for some connection to Islam is in full bray, and never mind that anyone who paid attention already knows the threat was a) amateurish, or b) non-existent. The only thing that's served by reporting on how significant ("very") the fireball could have been, had there been a fireball, is the presumption of improved ratings for newscasts and public servants. It's as though every Terra Event now has a criminal trial phase, where the Lousy Islamic Perps get off once again on technicalities like not being involved, or the whole thing having been blown out of all proportion, followed by the civil suit, where the rules of evidence are relaxed and we can bask in convicting 'em anyway. And give the nation's hard-pressed Counterterrorism Experts a little shot in the arm into the bargain, by allowing them to ask "C'mon, Why Don't We Have More Car Bombings?" ("Terror in the Trunk". Nice touch.)
MAYBE it's just me, but I could swear that Times Square
I live in Indianapolis, 700 miles and half a world away, and just within the past week a) the Targeted Polyhedron Weather Siren program was shelved, due to a software glitch; we're returning for the nonce to the old "set 'em off whenever the barometer falls" program, which was scheduled to be replaced because everybody ignores constant warnings that don't pan out; and b) it was announced that the 9/11-based hydraulic vehicle barrier around the Statehouse hasn't been working for over a year, because it got rained on. You'll forgive a certain jaundiced view of the whole Emergency Response Game if you detect one coming from this direction. Funny thing about Expertise: you always have much more of it before it's tested.
As far as I'm concern the "News" can fluff the Terra angle every time the cops find a car with a gas can and a bag of potting soil in the back; it makes it less likely the public will listen to professional pants-pissing of the politically-motivated variety. What I don't quite get, or maybe I do, is how this little Factlet of Life gets missed. Especially as this comes from the same "News" readers who've reported the difficulty the weather service has trying to balance awareness and Klaxon Fatigue. Or who might be in the best position to recall that Liberal Touchy-Feely Trying To Understand The Terrorists After 9/11 was Objectively Pro-Fifth Columnist.
Why do we still give Terrists (and Army Germ Bomb doctors, and other White Male psychopaths) the publicity they crave? It's curious that this time, just like the Underpants Bomber Disaster and the Smartass Middle-Eastern Diplomat Rogue Bathroom Smoker Disaster, the initial reports were almost businesslike. And the initial reticence lasts about sixty minutes, after which the hunt for some connection to Islam is in full bray, and never mind that anyone who paid attention already knows the threat was a) amateurish, or b) non-existent. The only thing that's served by reporting on how significant ("very") the fireball could have been, had there been a fireball, is the presumption of improved ratings for newscasts and public servants. It's as though every Terra Event now has a criminal trial phase, where the Lousy Islamic Perps get off once again on technicalities like not being involved, or the whole thing having been blown out of all proportion, followed by the civil suit, where the rules of evidence are relaxed and we can bask in convicting 'em anyway. And give the nation's hard-pressed Counterterrorism Experts a little shot in the arm into the bargain, by allowing them to ask "C'mon, Why Don't We Have More Car Bombings?" ("Terror in the Trunk". Nice touch.)
Saturday, May 1
The Best Thing Ever Said On The Internets, Vol. V
WONKETTE highlights Sarah Palin's concern-tweeting the Gulf oil disaster ("All industry efforts must b employed"). Not_So_Much responds:
How's that drilly-spilly thing workin' out for ya?
Friday, April 30
It's A Shame They Did Away With Vaudeville, Pt. 7004
Peggy Noonan, "The Big Alienation: Uncontrolled borders and Washington's lack of self-control". May 1
OKAY, let's answer this one quickly, in case anyone's planning to cut out early for the weekend: No, Peggers; the problem is that people such as yourself followed Ronald Fucking Reagan down the goddam Rathole of Political Insanity thirty-some odd years ago, and never fucking noticed, excusing, along the way, any goddam piece of brain-dead crackpotism you imagined advanced the Sacred Cause: Trickle-down Economics, Flag-burning amendments, opposition to 19th century Biology, manufactured outrage over the Panama Canal, manufactured outrage over the B-1, manufactured outrage over Elian Gonzalez, Filegate, Travelgate, Lincolnbedroomgate, Blowjobgate--you people had Millennial Apoplexy over a Presidential hummer, Ms Noonan--Vandalgate, Giftgate, Pardongate, the Vince Foster hit, 2,200 Hillary Clinton: Homicidal Maniac or Murderous Bitch? books, Al Gore selling the White House to the Chinese, Al Gore: Serial Prevaricator, Al Gore: Beard Sporter, Fifth Columnists, Moslems on Airplanes, Suitcase bombs, Sleeper cells, the imminent nuclear threat posed by Saddam Hussein, Freedom fries, Crescent-shaped Memorials, Prophet cartoons, Bush Derangement Syndrome, Purple bandaids, Purple fingers, John Kerry: Combat Scratch Recipient, John Kerry: Bogus Windsurfer, Liberal Fascism, and that's before we mention Barack Hussein Obama, or how every news outlet in the country is biased against you. Okay, that didn't shorten things much, but maybe you get the picture: you have no business anymore excusing raging dipshitism, not-quite-crypto racism, or full-on certifiable political insanity as the slightly excessive, but fully understandable, acts of a few people driven beyond endurance by the sudden Socialist threat to Their Sacred Way of Life. The only thing that's changed is that some of you, now, recognize the political ramifications of having your bigotry and Xenophobia on display for all to see, as opposed to the last forty years of winking and nodding. There ain't no difference between the Arizona party and the party in general; the Unnecessarily Draconian has been a big part of your appeal since the War. By the same token, daring to criticize the Bush administration equally, now that that comes cost-free, is not the same thing as principled bipartisanship.
Which reminds me: those people in the "middle" who're so riled up? Always were. Maybe you'd know that if you ever met one. Or maybe you do know that, and we've just never heard you talk about it when you thought your mic was off.
OKAY, let's answer this one quickly, in case anyone's planning to cut out early for the weekend: No, Peggers; the problem is that people such as yourself followed Ronald Fucking Reagan down the goddam Rathole of Political Insanity thirty-some odd years ago, and never fucking noticed, excusing, along the way, any goddam piece of brain-dead crackpotism you imagined advanced the Sacred Cause: Trickle-down Economics, Flag-burning amendments, opposition to 19th century Biology, manufactured outrage over the Panama Canal, manufactured outrage over the B-1, manufactured outrage over Elian Gonzalez, Filegate, Travelgate, Lincolnbedroomgate, Blowjobgate--you people had Millennial Apoplexy over a Presidential hummer, Ms Noonan--Vandalgate, Giftgate, Pardongate, the Vince Foster hit, 2,200 Hillary Clinton: Homicidal Maniac or Murderous Bitch? books, Al Gore selling the White House to the Chinese, Al Gore: Serial Prevaricator, Al Gore: Beard Sporter, Fifth Columnists, Moslems on Airplanes, Suitcase bombs, Sleeper cells, the imminent nuclear threat posed by Saddam Hussein, Freedom fries, Crescent-shaped Memorials, Prophet cartoons, Bush Derangement Syndrome, Purple bandaids, Purple fingers, John Kerry: Combat Scratch Recipient, John Kerry: Bogus Windsurfer, Liberal Fascism, and that's before we mention Barack Hussein Obama, or how every news outlet in the country is biased against you. Okay, that didn't shorten things much, but maybe you get the picture: you have no business anymore excusing raging dipshitism, not-quite-crypto racism, or full-on certifiable political insanity as the slightly excessive, but fully understandable, acts of a few people driven beyond endurance by the sudden Socialist threat to Their Sacred Way of Life. The only thing that's changed is that some of you, now, recognize the political ramifications of having your bigotry and Xenophobia on display for all to see, as opposed to the last forty years of winking and nodding. There ain't no difference between the Arizona party and the party in general; the Unnecessarily Draconian has been a big part of your appeal since the War. By the same token, daring to criticize the Bush administration equally, now that that comes cost-free, is not the same thing as principled bipartisanship.
Which reminds me: those people in the "middle" who're so riled up? Always were. Maybe you'd know that if you ever met one. Or maybe you do know that, and we've just never heard you talk about it when you thought your mic was off.
Thursday, April 29
May You Live In Interesting Times
INDIANA'S political primaries (Motto: Remember that picture ID!) are just around the corner, which means--thanks to the ungodly amounts of filthy lucre Republicans (almost exclusively) have to spend here to inform voters how fiscally conservative they are--that the contested races have been subject to teevee spot fights for the past month. The contested races being the Republican primaries for the Senate post Evan Bayh is vacating for the good of the country, the 4th District job Steve Buyer is vacating one step ahead of the Law, I mean, in order to support his wife in her forty-year battle with some unnamed terminal illness, and the 5th District seat Dan Burton has been using as a convenient place to get messages for the last 30 years. Yes, indeed: Dan Burton has been such a Congressional scofflaw that he's now facing his third straight, and most serious, primary challenge, in a district which has been manicured just for him, or some other terminal dingbat.
The result--I trust you're sitting down--has resembled nothing so much as the response Detroit has made to changing demands on its vehicle line over the past forty years: 1) the Product all looks the same; 2) how it's described is apparently more important that what's under the hood, or what sort of smoke it belches; and 3) Long-Term Planning might as well be Swahili for "How much for three hours with your daughters?"
Every single one of the candidates who can afford ad time is some sort of "Conservative", which, in this instance at least, should not be taken as evidence that only "Conservatives" have been able to raise money; it's just like finding the Ichthys on some plumber's ad in the Yellow Pages. What we mean, instead, is that every ad identifies the Beggar in Question as a "Conservative", and sometimes Staunchly or Genuinely so, as though there's some other sort of Indiana Republican available to run. They all dislike Nancy Pelosi almost as much as they do the President (somebody--they're mostly a blur to me--tosses in a headshot of Harry Reid alongside Obama and Madam Speaker, but I don't think he's even identified; must be aimed at the cognoscenti vote.) They all voted against, or assure us they would have voted against, Obamacare and the Obama ObamaTax Increases (Once and Future Senator and Former Ambassador to Just Get Him The Fuck Out of Here Dan Coats, who's remarkably lifelike if you catch him in just the right light, promises to Repeal Healthcare, which, once the liberal firebrand Bayh leaves to succor the Poor, should be a snap anyway). All stand at the ready to protect the Second Amendment for the inevitable moment when Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi look at it funny, or something, while Harry Reid looks on; in something of a refutation to the Tea Bagger Non-Social Issue routine they're all in favor of Life, as graphically illustrated by the number of children and grandchildren they use as props.
The result--I trust you're sitting down--has resembled nothing so much as the response Detroit has made to changing demands on its vehicle line over the past forty years: 1) the Product all looks the same; 2) how it's described is apparently more important that what's under the hood, or what sort of smoke it belches; and 3) Long-Term Planning might as well be Swahili for "How much for three hours with your daughters?"
Every single one of the candidates who can afford ad time is some sort of "Conservative", which, in this instance at least, should not be taken as evidence that only "Conservatives" have been able to raise money; it's just like finding the Ichthys on some plumber's ad in the Yellow Pages. What we mean, instead, is that every ad identifies the Beggar in Question as a "Conservative", and sometimes Staunchly or Genuinely so, as though there's some other sort of Indiana Republican available to run. They all dislike Nancy Pelosi almost as much as they do the President (somebody--they're mostly a blur to me--tosses in a headshot of Harry Reid alongside Obama and Madam Speaker, but I don't think he's even identified; must be aimed at the cognoscenti vote.) They all voted against, or assure us they would have voted against, Obamacare and the Obama ObamaTax Increases (Once and Future Senator and Former Ambassador to Just Get Him The Fuck Out of Here Dan Coats, who's remarkably lifelike if you catch him in just the right light, promises to Repeal Healthcare, which, once the liberal firebrand Bayh leaves to succor the Poor, should be a snap anyway). All stand at the ready to protect the Second Amendment for the inevitable moment when Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi look at it funny, or something, while Harry Reid looks on; in something of a refutation to the Tea Bagger Non-Social Issue routine they're all in favor of Life, as graphically illustrated by the number of children and grandchildren they use as props.
Several aver that what this country needs is jobs, not a government that does stuff, except help provide jobs, evidentally. That's Burton's Big Answer, though what he was doing the last ten years while all those jobs disappeared goes unmentioned, presumably because everyone knows the answer is "Golf".
The big story among 'em in Hoosierland has not been Burton, who has pretty much been consigned to the embarrassment bin by the state GOP and their friends in local Indianapolis media, though he did get a little attention when it turned out that all the earnest white people (the only African-American face in anybody's ads belongs to the President) expressing their desire to see Dan get a fifteenth term were actually spokesmodels from Ohio. Not sure what the problem was supposed to be, since 85% of his campaign contributions come from out of state and nobody says anything.
No, it's been Coats, who followed up his chair-moistening stint in the Senate of the United States with a decade raking in lobbying bucks. Coats had been living in North Carolina right up to the moment that Bayh announced his retirement, and now says he was spurred to return to politics by the Evil Jim Rockford 180º U-Turn Across Six Lanes of Traffic that is Barack Obama.
And Coats is still getting flak for having voted for the Brady Bill in a previous century, something which underlines what the slightly bemused observer has noted in all this: that the Tea Bagging Party is primed and ready for its next opportunity to defeat Jimmy Carter.
The big story among 'em in Hoosierland has not been Burton, who has pretty much been consigned to the embarrassment bin by the state GOP and their friends in local Indianapolis media, though he did get a little attention when it turned out that all the earnest white people (the only African-American face in anybody's ads belongs to the President) expressing their desire to see Dan get a fifteenth term were actually spokesmodels from Ohio. Not sure what the problem was supposed to be, since 85% of his campaign contributions come from out of state and nobody says anything.
No, it's been Coats, who followed up his chair-moistening stint in the Senate of the United States with a decade raking in lobbying bucks. Coats had been living in North Carolina right up to the moment that Bayh announced his retirement, and now says he was spurred to return to politics by the Evil Jim Rockford 180º U-Turn Across Six Lanes of Traffic that is Barack Obama.
And Coats is still getting flak for having voted for the Brady Bill in a previous century, something which underlines what the slightly bemused observer has noted in all this: that the Tea Bagging Party is primed and ready for its next opportunity to defeat Jimmy Carter.
Tuesday, April 27
Kabuki
David Brooks, "The Goldman Drama". April 26
YOU might want to notice who gets to be first on the list:
Isn't it interesting how "the establishment" makes a sudden appearance in a David Brooks column? Ya think there's anything up with that?
Not to mention that it happens because the Perpetual 'Establishment' Anilingus Parade informs how all those Bottoms vote, as well, and the party that's the main beneficiary is also the primary rein loosener, skid greaser, and wheel releaser.
'Course I seem to recall that during that same period a major New York City newspaper gave one of its best Op-Ed kiosk locations to some libertoonian Republican who kept insisting that the Markets are perfect, excepting all the needless and counter-productive government regulation they're forced to fight.
Hey, wait up. There are always contrarians, though they haven't always have the benefit of collusion with Goldman Sachs. So what?
Sometimes sleazy. Perish the thought. Incidentally, what exactly happens to that load-bearing "Conservative" belief in the Imperfectability of Man right at the point where it collides with the Republican donor class?
Note one mystery, solve another: the Voodoo Contrarianism, suddenly noticed for the first time, turns out to be part of the larger Well, those Perfect Markets are Actually Just Cadres of Well-Intentioned Schlubs Who March in Lockstep Most of the Time Defense, which tends to rear its head only when some CEO is in the dock. The Hapless Establishment!
Does anyone recall the sinkhole of the Bush administration, and the sinkhole of Iraq, and how every idiot cheerleader of that excursion said, in its Darkest Hour, that the Democrats shouldn't criticize, they should explain their plan for Victory?
And let us take the umpteenth opportunity here to say, again, that while one can never go wrong describing--facilely or no--the Congress of the United States as a collection of camera-hogging gasbags, someone who's decided to spend his life and our times sharing the wisdom in his tiniest political tic ought, really, to take a slightly more nuanced view of Congressional hearings. There are only so many cheap laughs to be scored on the subject of parliamentary procedure, and most all of 'em come from the Gallery. This sort of thing always seems to come from someone who, when his own ox has been backed into a corner, says something like, "But, these are our Elected Representatives! Founders! Freedom! Tradition!" Th' fuck is Congress supposed to do when the criminal acts of a few powerful men bring pain and suffering to the entire country? Ask David Brooks for advice?
Y'know, one, I love the technique of concocting your own solution, sticking it in someone else's mouth, and declaring him victorious. Though it does work better when you're holding an Ace kicker.
Once again the historically-minded reader's attention is directed to the Republican party of a few years ago (it should, perhaps, be referred to as the Classic Republican party, since its soul is Advertising) when the mere finessing of extra-marital sex by a sitting President in a civil case threatened to demolish the Very Foundation of Our Liberty.
Jesus H. Christ, one might "think" that the lesson--which we've had over and fucking over since the Gilded Age, and not just as the most recent total refutation of Reaganism--is that we're dealing with some of the most larcenous men on the planet, and that turning our backs on them for a minute is an open invitation to appropriate everyone else's wallets. The budding historian is directed to something called the S&L Scandal, and the resulting Evil Bailout, and will have, by now, covered the accomplishments of the Reagan Revolution and thirty years of Republican rule in reverse chronological order.
You'd think, wouldn't you, that the entire episode would have taught the likes of David Brooks to Shut Th' Fuck Up about his magical formula for perfect economic bliss, seeing as how that's the one was in place when it occurred. That is, of course, unless you happen to remember what these guys have been up to for the previous thirty years.
YOU might want to notice who gets to be first on the list:
Between 1997 and 2006, consumers, lenders and builders created a housing bubble, and pretty much the entire establishment missed it.
Isn't it interesting how "the establishment" makes a sudden appearance in a David Brooks column? Ya think there's anything up with that?
It’s easy to see why this happened. People who make it into the establishment work and play well with others. They are part of the same overlapping social networks, and inevitably begin to perceive the world in similar, conventional ways. They thrive in institutions where people are not rewarded for being cantankerous intellectual bomb-throwers.
Not to mention that it happens because the Perpetual 'Establishment' Anilingus Parade informs how all those Bottoms vote, as well, and the party that's the main beneficiary is also the primary rein loosener, skid greaser, and wheel releaser.
'Course I seem to recall that during that same period a major New York City newspaper gave one of its best Op-Ed kiosk locations to some libertoonian Republican who kept insisting that the Markets are perfect, excepting all the needless and counter-productive government regulation they're forced to fight.
Outside the establishment herd, on the other hand, there were contrarians who understood the bubble (which was the easy part) and who figured out how to take counteraction (which was hard).
Hey, wait up. There are always contrarians, though they haven't always have the benefit of collusion with Goldman Sachs. So what?
In this drama, in other words, the establishment was pleasant, respectable and stupid, while the contrarians were smart but hard to love, and sometimes sleazy.
Sometimes sleazy. Perish the thought. Incidentally, what exactly happens to that load-bearing "Conservative" belief in the Imperfectability of Man right at the point where it collides with the Republican donor class?
Note one mystery, solve another: the Voodoo Contrarianism, suddenly noticed for the first time, turns out to be part of the larger Well, those Perfect Markets are Actually Just Cadres of Well-Intentioned Schlubs Who March in Lockstep Most of the Time Defense, which tends to rear its head only when some CEO is in the dock. The Hapless Establishment!
This week the drama comes to Washington in two different ways. First, as is traditional in our culture, the elected leaders of the clueless establishment have summoned the leaders of Goldman Sachs to a hearing so they can have a post-hoc televised conniption fit on the amorality of Wall Street.
Does anyone recall the sinkhole of the Bush administration, and the sinkhole of Iraq, and how every idiot cheerleader of that excursion said, in its Darkest Hour, that the Democrats shouldn't criticize, they should explain their plan for Victory?
And let us take the umpteenth opportunity here to say, again, that while one can never go wrong describing--facilely or no--the Congress of the United States as a collection of camera-hogging gasbags, someone who's decided to spend his life and our times sharing the wisdom in his tiniest political tic ought, really, to take a slightly more nuanced view of Congressional hearings. There are only so many cheap laughs to be scored on the subject of parliamentary procedure, and most all of 'em come from the Gallery. This sort of thing always seems to come from someone who, when his own ox has been backed into a corner, says something like, "But, these are our Elected Representatives! Founders! Freedom! Tradition!" Th' fuck is Congress supposed to do when the criminal acts of a few powerful men bring pain and suffering to the entire country? Ask David Brooks for advice?
This spectacle presents Goldman with an interesting public relations choice. The firm can claim to be dumb but decent, like the rest of the establishment, and emphasize the times it lost money. Or it can present itself as smart and sleazy, and emphasize the times it made money at the expense of its clients. Goldman seems to have chosen dumb but decent, which is probably the smart narrative to get back in the establishment’s good graces, even if it is less accurate.
Y'know, one, I love the technique of concocting your own solution, sticking it in someone else's mouth, and declaring him victorious. Though it does work better when you're holding an Ace kicker.
Once again the historically-minded reader's attention is directed to the Republican party of a few years ago (it should, perhaps, be referred to as the Classic Republican party, since its soul is Advertising) when the mere finessing of extra-marital sex by a sitting President in a civil case threatened to demolish the Very Foundation of Our Liberty.
The second big event in Washington this week is the jostling over a financial reform bill. One might have thought that one of the lessons of this episode was that establishments are prone to groupthink, and that it would be smart to decentralize authority in order to head off future bubbles.
Jesus H. Christ, one might "think" that the lesson--which we've had over and fucking over since the Gilded Age, and not just as the most recent total refutation of Reaganism--is that we're dealing with some of the most larcenous men on the planet, and that turning our backs on them for a minute is an open invitation to appropriate everyone else's wallets. The budding historian is directed to something called the S&L Scandal, and the resulting Evil Bailout, and will have, by now, covered the accomplishments of the Reagan Revolution and thirty years of Republican rule in reverse chronological order.
You'd think, wouldn't you, that the entire episode would have taught the likes of David Brooks to Shut Th' Fuck Up about his magical formula for perfect economic bliss, seeing as how that's the one was in place when it occurred. That is, of course, unless you happen to remember what these guys have been up to for the previous thirty years.
Monday, April 26
I Wake Up Screaming Yawning
Ross Douthat, "Not Even in South Park?" April 25
OVER the past couple generations my extended family has produced two types of late adolescent/ young adult: 1) the conventional, seemingly well-integrated-into-school/ church/ job culture, Future Cube Farmer of America enthusiastic white suburbanite in training, and 2) me. A few years back I had some hope for one of my nieces, a sullen and sarcastic child, but she seems to've grown out of it. I personally put no stock in anyone who has to make it to the nation's hotbeds of campus leftism and binge-drinking in order to notice that Life, at least in some aspects, sucks donkeys, even if it personally gives you iPads and Late Model Vehicles Someone Else Pays For in place of lemons. If your early teen years don't convince you, what's acquired by a little learning is mostly suspect. (The pianist Moriz Rosenthal was once convinced to listen to a child prodigy. "How old are you, my boy?" he asked. "Seven," came the reply. "And what are you going to play for me?" "The Tchaikovsky piano concerto," was the reply. "Too old!" said Rosenthal.)
My Poor Wife's family, though, has in recent decades turned out a number of male children whose adolescence is marked by drug- and alcohol-assisted vehicular mayhem, wanton property damage, and juvenile court appearances, followed by a sort of pregnant pause before they turn into sales reps.
Given the choice I prefer the former. I think that if you're old enough to commandeer a car, and old enough to factor in the likelihood that, as a juvenile offender, you're going to get off light, there's a spiritual dimension that requires you later to commit adult offenses, or one token offense at least, join the military, or become an attorney. And this, of course, doesn't happen; instead this sort of behavior just turns out to be an early warning sign of galloping Republico-Libertarianism and future employment in the Beverage Wholesaling Industry or Commercial Real Estate Market.
The one saving grace, for me personally, is that her family is not the sort to sit down and read Atlas Shrugged, or The Fountainhead, or much other than Sports Illustrated, and that while commode-bound.
It was, then, around Xmas 1997 when the eldest of my Poor Wife's nephews, just entering the febrile stage of the disease and mistakenly seeing in us, the respective family oddballs, a sort of kindred spirituality, asked, "Have you two seen South Park?"
And in a probably unexpected bit of familial bonhomie (it happens, even here; my Poor Wife is so solicitous of her young charges that she once watched Napoleon Dynamite on their recommendation) I tuned in the next week's episode. For ninety seconds. End of South Park interaction.
So sharpest satire in the world today, or longest running fart joke for world's stash of oldest continual 16-year-olds? Dunno. Don't care. Have my suspicions, but they're based on the sort of idiot who keeps insisting on the former. Blind pigs and acorns, y'know. But, finally, in case I didn't mention it: I don't fucking care. If this generation's Gravity's Rainbow played last night on Sci-Fi, or Scythe-Fythe, or whatever the fuck it is now, I don't care enough to wade through it. I suspect that's your audience for a reason. If it's not, and I'm wrong, I'll be dead in a while.
But then, see, I understand why Duchamp would shock the Academy, or why Joyce would flout conventional morality, how Renoir would cause moviegoers to riot, or how it is John Cage can still cause a 23-year-old wonderblogger to break out in Galloping Philistinism. Lighting farts on a program aimed at fratboys seems a lot less challenging. Maybe that's just me.
Oh, look, it's Ross Douthat! everybody:
Jesus Christ, Lao-tse is not a religious figure. Nor even someone whose adherents insist he was real despite any evidence. This sort of thing just kills the satire for me.
And another thing: the sort of person who describes something as "foul-mouthed" ought to have the fucking decency to leave it alone thereafter, unless he wants to complain some more about potty-mouthism.
Okay, are we finished here? Nothing to see, yet again? Major Corporation Shamelessly Kowtows to Islam, Despite Once Poking Fun At Ross Douthat's Personal Religious Guide. And thereby proves that A) Douthat is the more open-minded, and that B) in these Politically-Correct times everyone bends over backwards to be nice to Our Enemies, but it's always Open Season on decent, God-fearing Americans. Cue the Apocalypse.
Or to put it another way, bullshit. It's you who insisted that 9/11 had to change everything, and you who made Islam the grand perpetrator. If Viacom, or whoever, now finds itself treading that turf, well, you're the fucking landscaper. Second, I know this facile It's Reverse Religious Discrimination! bit has been working for you guys since before you were born, Ross, but stow it, huh? There's not a lot of television out there openly insulting Orthodox Judaism either. Been a while since I've seen a blisteringly satirical cartoon depiction of US military warcrimes or Catholic deaf-altarboy buggery. You watch any weekend for whichever Knowledge channel is carrying the Jesus programming this time, and you'll see absolute credulity piled on absolute credulity with little or no notice of the last two-hundred years of actual scholarship. Damn near everything in the culture is compromised, and most of it proudly so. This is a scandal in the same way Rahm Emanuel saying "retard" is, while Rush Limbaugh saying it qualifies as a joke. Because you blow it up into one, but you soon run out of breath.
We should all make fun of the Prophet. And The Prophet. And Jesus, and Moses, and their various self-appointed terrestrial spokesmen. And at each other. And we should laugh when all those self-appointed avengers rush to the rescue. But in doing so we should acknowledge that our grounds are Just How Fucking Ridiculous the whole thing is; the arbiters should not simultaneously be the people grousing about unfair Times coverage of this week's Vatican Sex Follies. And if you believe the Corporation rules supreme in this country, then how one does or doesn't appease some potential group of customers is none of your goddam business.
OVER the past couple generations my extended family has produced two types of late adolescent/ young adult: 1) the conventional, seemingly well-integrated-into-school/ church/ job culture, Future Cube Farmer of America enthusiastic white suburbanite in training, and 2) me. A few years back I had some hope for one of my nieces, a sullen and sarcastic child, but she seems to've grown out of it. I personally put no stock in anyone who has to make it to the nation's hotbeds of campus leftism and binge-drinking in order to notice that Life, at least in some aspects, sucks donkeys, even if it personally gives you iPads and Late Model Vehicles Someone Else Pays For in place of lemons. If your early teen years don't convince you, what's acquired by a little learning is mostly suspect. (The pianist Moriz Rosenthal was once convinced to listen to a child prodigy. "How old are you, my boy?" he asked. "Seven," came the reply. "And what are you going to play for me?" "The Tchaikovsky piano concerto," was the reply. "Too old!" said Rosenthal.)
My Poor Wife's family, though, has in recent decades turned out a number of male children whose adolescence is marked by drug- and alcohol-assisted vehicular mayhem, wanton property damage, and juvenile court appearances, followed by a sort of pregnant pause before they turn into sales reps.
Given the choice I prefer the former. I think that if you're old enough to commandeer a car, and old enough to factor in the likelihood that, as a juvenile offender, you're going to get off light, there's a spiritual dimension that requires you later to commit adult offenses, or one token offense at least, join the military, or become an attorney. And this, of course, doesn't happen; instead this sort of behavior just turns out to be an early warning sign of galloping Republico-Libertarianism and future employment in the Beverage Wholesaling Industry or Commercial Real Estate Market.
The one saving grace, for me personally, is that her family is not the sort to sit down and read Atlas Shrugged, or The Fountainhead, or much other than Sports Illustrated, and that while commode-bound.
It was, then, around Xmas 1997 when the eldest of my Poor Wife's nephews, just entering the febrile stage of the disease and mistakenly seeing in us, the respective family oddballs, a sort of kindred spirituality, asked, "Have you two seen South Park?"
And in a probably unexpected bit of familial bonhomie (it happens, even here; my Poor Wife is so solicitous of her young charges that she once watched Napoleon Dynamite on their recommendation) I tuned in the next week's episode. For ninety seconds. End of South Park interaction.
So sharpest satire in the world today, or longest running fart joke for world's stash of oldest continual 16-year-olds? Dunno. Don't care. Have my suspicions, but they're based on the sort of idiot who keeps insisting on the former. Blind pigs and acorns, y'know. But, finally, in case I didn't mention it: I don't fucking care. If this generation's Gravity's Rainbow played last night on Sci-Fi, or Scythe-Fythe, or whatever the fuck it is now, I don't care enough to wade through it. I suspect that's your audience for a reason. If it's not, and I'm wrong, I'll be dead in a while.
But then, see, I understand why Duchamp would shock the Academy, or why Joyce would flout conventional morality, how Renoir would cause moviegoers to riot, or how it is John Cage can still cause a 23-year-old wonderblogger to break out in Galloping Philistinism. Lighting farts on a program aimed at fratboys seems a lot less challenging. Maybe that's just me.
Oh, look, it's Ross Douthat! everybody:
Two months before 9/11, Comedy Central aired an episode of “South Park” entitled “Super Best Friends,” in which the cartoon show’s foul-mouthed urchins sought assistance from an unusual team of superheroes. These particular superfriends were all religious figures: Jesus, Krishna, Buddha, Mormonism’s Joseph Smith, Taoism’s Lao-tse — and the Prophet Muhammad, depicted with a turban and a 5 o’clock shadow, and introduced as “the Muslim prophet with the powers of flame.”
Jesus Christ, Lao-tse is not a religious figure. Nor even someone whose adherents insist he was real despite any evidence. This sort of thing just kills the satire for me.
And another thing: the sort of person who describes something as "foul-mouthed" ought to have the fucking decency to leave it alone thereafter, unless he wants to complain some more about potty-mouthism.
That was a more permissive time. You can’t portray Muhammad on American television anymore, as South Park’s creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, discovered in 2006, when they tried to parody the Danish cartoon controversy — in which unflattering caricatures of the prophet prompted worldwide riots — by scripting another animated appearance for Muhammad. The episode aired, but the cameo itself was blacked out, replaced by an announcement that Comedy Central had refused to show an image of the prophet.
Okay, are we finished here? Nothing to see, yet again? Major Corporation Shamelessly Kowtows to Islam, Despite Once Poking Fun At Ross Douthat's Personal Religious Guide. And thereby proves that A) Douthat is the more open-minded, and that B) in these Politically-Correct times everyone bends over backwards to be nice to Our Enemies, but it's always Open Season on decent, God-fearing Americans. Cue the Apocalypse.
Or to put it another way, bullshit. It's you who insisted that 9/11 had to change everything, and you who made Islam the grand perpetrator. If Viacom, or whoever, now finds itself treading that turf, well, you're the fucking landscaper. Second, I know this facile It's Reverse Religious Discrimination! bit has been working for you guys since before you were born, Ross, but stow it, huh? There's not a lot of television out there openly insulting Orthodox Judaism either. Been a while since I've seen a blisteringly satirical cartoon depiction of US military warcrimes or Catholic deaf-altarboy buggery. You watch any weekend for whichever Knowledge channel is carrying the Jesus programming this time, and you'll see absolute credulity piled on absolute credulity with little or no notice of the last two-hundred years of actual scholarship. Damn near everything in the culture is compromised, and most of it proudly so. This is a scandal in the same way Rahm Emanuel saying "retard" is, while Rush Limbaugh saying it qualifies as a joke. Because you blow it up into one, but you soon run out of breath.
We should all make fun of the Prophet. And The Prophet. And Jesus, and Moses, and their various self-appointed terrestrial spokesmen. And at each other. And we should laugh when all those self-appointed avengers rush to the rescue. But in doing so we should acknowledge that our grounds are Just How Fucking Ridiculous the whole thing is; the arbiters should not simultaneously be the people grousing about unfair Times coverage of this week's Vatican Sex Follies. And if you believe the Corporation rules supreme in this country, then how one does or doesn't appease some potential group of customers is none of your goddam business.
Friday, April 23
What's That Smell?
Laura E. Huggins, "Earth Day: 40 Years of Imminent Catastrophe". April 22
OUR lesson today is the redemptive power of Love, and the pervasive odor of bullshit.
First, kids, supposing you are suffering from, not Writer's Block, as you're more Just A Guy With Persistent Logorrhea, but an attack of transient global editing, and the distinct suspicion that the World Herself, after a period of benignity, or disinterest, has decided to plot against you once more, as shown by everything you happen to touch turning to complete shit for a 72-hour period. And suppose that near the end of such a period your inexplicably loving spouse comes home, takes one look at you, and asks you what's wrong.
You haven't said a word about it before. She just reads it on you, which, I dunno, may be easier for people without undiagnosed borderline Asperger's than it is for me, but still. Do you want someone reading your thoughts? How much goddam larceny is in your heart, and how much could you risk exposing? And yet she manages to reply with just the right tone of leaving you the space to work on it yourself, and letting you know she's available if you need her to be. And then she leaves you a cute kitten picture, just so you'll laugh at yourself. It's worth the risk, kids. Really.
Now, into such a world, somehow--it's not as if Universal Love isn't supposed to be the fucking cornerstone of Western Civilization or anything--comes the sort of person who imagines this, and everything else, is for sale, that the Hoover Institution is paying top dollar, and that Shit Still Floats, and especially well in a gold commode, while we're at it. Someone, say, like Laura E. Huggins:
Odds are, so's everybody else. In the long run we're all dead; in the short term we're all extended tubes with bullshit at one end and E. coli at the other. This is not a rhetorical Get Out of Jail Free card.
Yeah, and back then they told us to put butter on a burn, that drinking water while exercising gave you cramps, and Watergate was a third-rate burglary. The first Earth Day came two years after Walt Rostow saw the Light at the End of the Tunnel in Vietnam; three years after LBJ saw it; five years after Joe Alsop saw it, seventeen years after Lt. General Henri-Eugene Navarre saw it, and eight years after Decca Records told Brian Epstein that guitar groups were on the way out. People are wrong about the stock market every second of the day; the Hoover Institution does not seem to imagine this constitutes an argument against Capitalism.
Ms Huggins' Hoover bio doesn't give her DOB, but we think it's safe to assume she wasn't passing out Ecology flag decals in 1970, and has no memory of just how awful things had become by the time the first Federal pollution controls went into effect, two years later. She's welcome to mix her cocktails with unfiltered Mississippi water from below Baton Rouge if she finds it all too error-filled to live with.
Th' fuck causes you to do this, for money or no? How much better can ya eat? Why do Poor Forlorn Corporations need so much of your love? Exxon Mobil made only $45 billion in 2008, and a mere $19 billion last year; a pittance compared to Big Environment (which doesn't even know if it's hot or cold!), I know.
And whaddya get? What do billions in Astroturf, non-profit fronts, and all the other shenanigans you mouthpieces profit from do for this sacred economy? Assuming Congress were a hot-bed of (ill-informed, natch) environmental radicals, what would we accomplish by turning it into a corrupt one? Perpetual demonization may have made for slightly increased profits, but it's sure made for a crappier society in which to spend 'em.
And, okay, granted that this is how things are going to work so long as people are able to band together to commit crimes they'd go to jail for as individuals, with or without the cooperation of Laura E. Huggins. But, y'know, that doesn't mean this We're Right By Virtue of Pointing Out the Other Side's Mistakes routine is makin' any more sense, or getting anything done. Same with the Science Progresses, Therefore Progress Is Inevitable and Tomorrow Will Always Solve Today's Problems schtick. The question isn't whether it fools the Rubes; the question is whether it actually fools you.
OUR lesson today is the redemptive power of Love, and the pervasive odor of bullshit.
First, kids, supposing you are suffering from, not Writer's Block, as you're more Just A Guy With Persistent Logorrhea, but an attack of transient global editing, and the distinct suspicion that the World Herself, after a period of benignity, or disinterest, has decided to plot against you once more, as shown by everything you happen to touch turning to complete shit for a 72-hour period. And suppose that near the end of such a period your inexplicably loving spouse comes home, takes one look at you, and asks you what's wrong.
You haven't said a word about it before. She just reads it on you, which, I dunno, may be easier for people without undiagnosed borderline Asperger's than it is for me, but still. Do you want someone reading your thoughts? How much goddam larceny is in your heart, and how much could you risk exposing? And yet she manages to reply with just the right tone of leaving you the space to work on it yourself, and letting you know she's available if you need her to be. And then she leaves you a cute kitten picture, just so you'll laugh at yourself. It's worth the risk, kids. Really.
Now, into such a world, somehow--it's not as if Universal Love isn't supposed to be the fucking cornerstone of Western Civilization or anything--comes the sort of person who imagines this, and everything else, is for sale, that the Hoover Institution is paying top dollar, and that Shit Still Floats, and especially well in a gold commode, while we're at it. Someone, say, like Laura E. Huggins:
On this 40th anniversary of Earth Day, prepare to be bombarded with apocalyptic tales of disaster. But don't let the gloom-and-doom-fest get you down. Odds are the doomsters will be wrong.
Odds are, so's everybody else. In the long run we're all dead; in the short term we're all extended tubes with bullshit at one end and E. coli at the other. This is not a rhetorical Get Out of Jail Free card.
To help "celebrate" the first Earth Day in 1970, biologist Barry Commoner wrote, "We are in an environmental crisis which threatens the survival of this nation, and of the world as a suitable place of human habitation."
In a speech at Swarthmore College that year, ecologist Kenneth Watt said, "If present trends continue, the world will be about 4 degrees colder for the global mean temperature in 1990, but 11 degrees colder in the year 2000. This is about twice what it would take to put us into an ice age." And a New York Times editorial proclaimed: "Man must stop pollution and conserve his resources, not merely to enhance existence but to save the race from intolerable deterioration and possible extinction."
Time has not been gentle with these prophecies. Four decades later, the world hasn't come to an end. Most measures of human welfare show the Earth's population is better off today than at any other time in human history. Life expectancy is increasing, per-capita income is rising, and the air we breathe and the water we drink are cleaner. And, of course, concerns about climate change have shifted from cooling to warming.
Yeah, and back then they told us to put butter on a burn, that drinking water while exercising gave you cramps, and Watergate was a third-rate burglary. The first Earth Day came two years after Walt Rostow saw the Light at the End of the Tunnel in Vietnam; three years after LBJ saw it; five years after Joe Alsop saw it, seventeen years after Lt. General Henri-Eugene Navarre saw it, and eight years after Decca Records told Brian Epstein that guitar groups were on the way out. People are wrong about the stock market every second of the day; the Hoover Institution does not seem to imagine this constitutes an argument against Capitalism.
Ms Huggins' Hoover bio doesn't give her DOB, but we think it's safe to assume she wasn't passing out Ecology flag decals in 1970, and has no memory of just how awful things had become by the time the first Federal pollution controls went into effect, two years later. She's welcome to mix her cocktails with unfiltered Mississippi water from below Baton Rouge if she finds it all too error-filled to live with.
Th' fuck causes you to do this, for money or no? How much better can ya eat? Why do Poor Forlorn Corporations need so much of your love? Exxon Mobil made only $45 billion in 2008, and a mere $19 billion last year; a pittance compared to Big Environment (which doesn't even know if it's hot or cold!), I know.
And whaddya get? What do billions in Astroturf, non-profit fronts, and all the other shenanigans you mouthpieces profit from do for this sacred economy? Assuming Congress were a hot-bed of (ill-informed, natch) environmental radicals, what would we accomplish by turning it into a corrupt one? Perpetual demonization may have made for slightly increased profits, but it's sure made for a crappier society in which to spend 'em.
And, okay, granted that this is how things are going to work so long as people are able to band together to commit crimes they'd go to jail for as individuals, with or without the cooperation of Laura E. Huggins. But, y'know, that doesn't mean this We're Right By Virtue of Pointing Out the Other Side's Mistakes routine is makin' any more sense, or getting anything done. Same with the Science Progresses, Therefore Progress Is Inevitable and Tomorrow Will Always Solve Today's Problems schtick. The question isn't whether it fools the Rubes; the question is whether it actually fools you.
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