I hope you all will take a moment to remember, through tenth eggnog or seventh Xanax, that somewhere tonight in some icy outpost a cold, lonely, homesick young man or woman is keeping a watchful eye on greedy, wasteful, hubristic, thieving bureaucratic motherfuckers on your behalf. And that, unlike the people we defend ourselves from with guns, these mofos really are capable of taking our freedoms overnight.
Whether you chose to celebrate or ignore the quadrant-shifting sun/earth relationship, to accept wild postulations of Ice Kings or happy elves, dance naked round the fire, or quietly hope for undeserved salvation, may you get your wish, may the gifts you give others delight and fit properly, and may you yourself receive just what you need and no more. May your opponents wise up, your screenplay be greenlighted, and your teeth be their whitest. May the year to come be better than the last. And Lord help us all.
And may the women and men of our Armed Forces, scattered across the globe, come home and get laid. Amen.