Phillip Elliott,"Cain receives Secret Service protection". November 17
Susan Saulny, "Cain Says 'We Need a Leader, Not a Reader' ". November 17
LOOK, it's too late to excuse Herman Cain as a mutant amphibian harbinger of political ecosystem disaster. That was Richard Nixon. After him, if the system couldn't defend itself from Ronald Reagan, or Newt Gingrich, Dick Cheney, Phil Gramm, Dick Armey, Alan Simpson, or Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, James Dobson and Tim LaHaye, well, we were just left to hope that future Americans would get really cool laser eyes or convertible carapaces, or something out of the deal.
Do we really need a second-rate Sarah Palin? Do we even really need to contemplate the theoretical possibility of such a thing? Herman Cain is a joke. If Herman Cain has to be on the evening news, the lead-in should be Brian Williams announcing "Tonight, Herman Cain is still a joke." We are not having anything that approaches an adult conversation because of Herman Cain. And it's not like people who want to follow the tabloid exploits of halfwits, nitwits, and exhibitionists are lacking in opportunities.
It's just time, right here and right now, to recognize the Nixonian war on "the Media" for what it always was, and for the reeking, empty hazardous waste site that's left of it: an excuse to give free passes to idiots and hallucinators, a requirement that our official narrative take them as seriously as it does the sane and rational and articulate. I'm still a proud disciple of R.D. Laing but, y'know, some people need to be institutionalized. And our compassion and understanding, and the difficult work and times of dealing with a broad range of microcephalics, religious maniacs, and sexual psychopaths ought to be husbanded for the poor and the scorned, not rich fucking figureheads who could use a good slapping.
Does every last one of these sorry-ass media clowns deserve fifteen minutes? Must the amount of time devoted to a thing be determined by how many total fucking morans you can get to buy one?
The man is not qualified to be President of the United States. Don't tell us that the only proper function of the Free Press in that circumstance is to give him enough mic cord to hang himself with. The Press ignores hundreds of unqualified candidates every election cycle. Somebody somewhere in every newsroom has the authority to say, "The Republicans can allow anyone they want into their promotional events. We're not covering idiots".
"A Leader, not a Reader" by the way. Which makes him half-qualified. Which one of his brilliant minions came up with that one? Cain can't lead a campaign. I'll believe he could lead a high school Homecoming parade down a single, one-way city block when I actually see it. The National Federation of CEOs should have bought him off six months ago, before he gave the game away. Herman Cain couldn't lead a pizza shop. Given an unassailable position by a multi-mega conglomerate, Cain "solved" the "problem" of Godfather's "Pizza" stores which didn't make enough profit to justify the time corporate honchos were forced to spend looking at their spreadsheets--interrupting valuable sexual harassment time--by excising everything that didn't fit. This is a "solution" only if your problem is "we can't find anybody willing to cut stuff". That's not entrepreneurship. It's fourth-grade math. If Herman Cain had been CEO of Herman Cain's Pizza & Pork Logs on Main, and it wasn't making the profit it was supposed to, would he have closed it and declared himself a success? Are we pleophorically certain that every one of those, you should pardon the expression, units he closed would never have become successful with the right direction? I guess the only time we believe that success can be snatched away from certain failure is when some executive gets the credit.
By the way, what does the Herman Cain Presidency say about the National Restaurant Association? I mean, what does it say that we hadn't already learned from Taco Bell?
One more thing: show of hands, who believes the Death Threat stories? Okay, of those, who believes the Cain campaign engineered them? The only people who might want to kill Herman Cain are Republicans embarrassed by total shit-for-brains Presidential candidates, and if there are any of those how'd they survive intact the last thirty years? The Cain campaign is what crawled out from under the GOP rock when the election of Barack Obama kicked it over. They need anything to take the focus off their man, and they're willing to do it, despite the fact that there's no hope in hell their man will be elected President. They knew that Homeland Security wouldn't dare refuse. A gaffe highlight reel is not the same thing as reporting.