Saturday, November 17

Morphemes of Longing and Unattainability in Early Jacobean Theatre and Letters to TV Guide™

This Week: Letters to TV Guide™

"Moonlight's Mick. St. John is everything a vampire should be and more," opines the juicy-monikered Yvonne Grapes of East Peoria, Illinois, who adds a seductive "Bite me, please!" Rowwwll! Peel me a Grapes! (Wait., there's an East Peoria?) But it's the same program's Alex O'Loughlin who hypersanguinates the juicy bits of Houston's Doddie Laborde ("He's sensitive, romantic, vulnerable and really, really good-looking") and Largo, Florida's R. Savoie ("Forget McSteamy, forget McDreamy"). Wooo-ooo! That's some scary stuff, kids! Prison Break engenders a slightly different glandular focus, as Amber L. Kier of Lake Isabella, California, jeers the Jeerers of Dominic Purcell's sweaty scenes, noting that he's under stress, in Panama, in summer, and it's hot. Enough said! says Amber, and we agree. But skeptical Staten Islander Tom DeLuca wants to know why, since the show's brothers were on the lam all last season, their hair never grows? It's the stress, Tom. They understand this on the West Coast.

Speaking of skeptics, Chris Bennett, of the Athol, Massachusetts, Bennetts, thinks Britney Spears should hire a chauffeur (What? And give up Show Business?), and Beth Harper, who hails from a Lexington in some state or other, wants to know why Jamie, the Bionic Woman, jumped over buildings while holding a mobile phone to her ear, rather than having a receiver as part of her bionic ear bundle. "I do," says Ms Harper. "It's called a Bluetooth." Hey, we'll do the jokes, Beth!

In programming notes, Hindman, Kentucky's Salina Gibson is glad Jerry O'Connell has her laughing every Tuesday night on Carpoolers, even though she still misses Crossing Jordan, and Gardnerville, Nevada's Patricia Johnson writes to thank ABC for bringing back Men in Trees, "one of the few entertaining, nonviolent, nongory shows worth waiting for." We agree with you as far as that goes, Patricia, but we also think that not waiting for entertaining, violent, gory shows has a lot to be said for it as well.

Jill C. Nobles, down Alpharetta, Georgia, way, sends kudos to DWTS' Samantha Harris for her fabulous, three-weeks-post-partum body, but scolds the wardrobe department for putting a nursing mother in a spaghetti-strap gown. It "needs to give the woman a little support," she thinks. Up North we're just a bit more progressive on the idea of possible exposure of a lactating breast or two, Jill C.! And speaking of female empowerment, Bellingham, Washington's David Hirsch wonders how Angie Harmon feels about the ad for Women's Murder Club on the back cover of the October 8 issue. "She's wearing a badge on her backside. Hope her job doesn't involve a lot of sitting." We're with you, David, but we fear Ms Harmon's politics park their apple-y bottom on the other side of the aisle. And it's not the statuesque Ms Harmon but her husband who's spent most of his working hours on his ass. And that's a thirty!


Gary Oxford said...

It may be like tasing fish in a supermarket display case, but you have no idea how much I enjoy this, and how I've longed for its return. Thank you, Mr. Riley.

Poicephalus said...

Esteemed Doghouse,
I am worried about you, Bud. If, after a post like that, you cannot see that too many brains cells are involved in the pursuit of diminishing returns, then it's time for an intervention.
Please, put down the remote.
Go for a walk.
Hey wait, tomorrow is Sunday and the NFL is on........

Buck Hill said...

Hey, maybe you could do this as a regular feature?

Anonymous said...

Oh, man, am I glad I read blogs, watch old Star Trek: Voyager eps and observe the resident pug's cheerful manipulations of my reality for amusement.

Doghouse, acushla, you don't mean you watch all that stuff, do you?

Li'l Innocent