Friday, April 9

And We Had To Waterboard People To Extract Information?

"Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld knew most Gitmo detainees were innocent. " Now there's a shocker.

I was in the grocery store yesterday, behaving as lawfully as I generally do, when I was suddenly and without warning placed in a hammerlock by the store's "music" system, specifically by a crap-filled sappinessfest called "I'm Your Lady", which--my sympathies if you already knew this--was perpetrated by the Bottomless Cup o' Awful that is Celine Dion. Seriously, four bars in--she hadn't even unleashed the rolling artillery barrage of bunker-busting melismas yet--I was using the cart to steady myself, and looking around for someone who'd agree to turn the thing off if I promised to buy a carload of Hawaiian Punch, American cheese singles, and every greeting card in the place that made a funny noise when you opened it. By the beginning of the chorus an enterprising store manager could have had my bank account and credit card numbers, plus the hours my teenaged nieces would be home alone.

They're walking around free, folks. All of 'em, walking around free.


Hairless in Gaza said...

I was once told that Miz "Bottomless Cup o' Awful" Dion speaks English poorly, and had had to learn it phonetically, à la Bela Lugosi.

I think I was supposed to be impressed by this; I am sorry to say that that was not at all reflected in my rejoinder ("sonic stun grenades" or summat like that).

MikeEss said...

"They're walking around free, folks. All of 'em, walking around free."

There are all too many moral and legal criminals here walking around free. Our inability to follow through and make them experience the consequences of their evil actions indicts us all and puts the lie (again) to the idea of American Exceptionalism.

No consequences for the Bushites, no consequences for the Wall Streeters, no consequences for the craven politicians who aided and abetted it all, each step of the way, despite knowing what they were doing.

We're no better than any third-world tin pot dictatorship.

I'm sure the Founding Fathers are so proud...

Keifus said...

Interesting impulses, considering Hawaiian Punch and American cheese singles are pretty much the gastronomic equivalent of Celine Dion. Homogeneous, bland, and meticulously engineered.

K (although I am pretty sure she's Canadian)

loretta said...

Then that makes her (Dion) the musical equivalent of poutin.

As far as them walking around free? Maybe here in the US, but they'd better not travel to Europe. They are grounded, at least.

Anonymous said...

I never considered before that there's a thematic relationship between the untrammeled walking-around of Richard Vlad Cheney, terrible pop vocalism, and Hawaiian Punch, but you got a point there. A definite point. Not that that is anything unusual.

Li'l Innocent

Verification word: orysings. As in, "Nymph, in all thy orysings.." and I forget the rest.

ckc (not kc) said...

...I am pretty sure she's Canadian

...we're pretty sure we'd like you to look over there at the shiny thing.

R. Porrofatto said...

The real issue here is the tyranny of such "music" systems everywhere -- no place is safe from their earworms of dreck. The most godawful pop songs I'd never willingly hear now take up valuable real estate in my cerebral cortex because hunger drives me to buy food. I beseech the gods why the voracity of our cloy polloi for mindless sap put to endless, infantile melodic hooks should afflict us so, but woe, they have abandoned us to be violated even in Auto Parts. Oh well, I'm so old now I can remember silence.

guitarist manqué said...

For me it was a gasp from the past in the form of 'Muskrat Love'. I was maintaining steely resolve not to notice it when my wife innocently started humming along in her usual theremin style and, like Wild Bill Jones:

"I reeled and I staggered and I fell to the ground, then I gave one dying moan."

Julia Grey said...

cloy polloi

This gets today's blue ribbon.