Friday, May 13

Programming Note




In response to my suggestion at Corndoggerel that the new ruling junta at PBS would have a hard time making their public affairs programming--which currently consists of a shout fest moderated by Nixon's favorite Jesuit, a weekly half-hour of cowering featuring "The Press", and a bow-tied dick--any worse, the Phantom Scribbler reminded me of Buster, the lesbian friendly rabbit. I rashly predicted that Buster would soon be befriending oil-drilling voles and land-developing beavers. Rashly, because this is the sort of thing I should be selling to the New Public Broadcasting System. I got a couple of scripts ready yesterday, and I have a few more ideas I'll sketch out here:

Mean ol' Mr. Peecee demands the city enforce its leash laws on Clifford, the Big Red Dog. But when Clifford puts out a fire at Mr. Peecee's house he learns we shouldn't rely on Big Government to solve our problems, and besides, the giants among us know best.

In one of those crossover two-parters so beloved of network programmers, Thomas the Tank Engine is sad because he can't visit Yellowstone Park, so Bob the Builder lays some track though the middle of it for him.

Reparative therapy cures Tinky Winky's bad case of gay. Dr. Robert Spitzer guest stars.

Sesame St.: Letter: M; Numbers: 3,4; Concepts: firing warning shots at illegal immigrants.

Arthur's liberal, feminist, trade-unionist teacher makes him memorize unpleasant facts about American history. Arthur tells the police she's a Satanist child molester.

The American Experience is now The Judeo-Christian American Experience, Nova will be replaced by Science with John Stossel and Frontline will be in reruns while its replacement, The Ann Coulter Comedy Hour is readied.

You know where to find me, Mr. Ferree.

6 comments:

D. Sidhe said...

David Brock hosting The Living Edens from the Red States?
Nature: Wall to wall refutations of evolution, coupled with brilliantly mis-spliced and cleverly re-interpreted footage of elephants that demonstrates that they are, in fact, patriarchial bands, and capitalists, to boot!
Quilt In A Day is about to get very red, white, blue, and monotonous.
Buster Bunny is going to stop hanging around with those foreigners and children of a different ethnic persuasion, too. Totally inappropriate for a white rabbit. And where's his mom, anyway?
Remember that inauguration dinner? You don't want to see what happens to the cooking show.
It's just a good thing that hippy Bob Ross is dead, or they'd have to rendition his unpatriotic butt extraordinarily. Happy little bushes? I call America-hating on that!

D. Sidhe said...

Man, I dunno why I said David Brock up there. Media Matters on the mind. The small part of my brain that still works just suggested I probably did that, and sure enough...
Obviously, I meant David Brooks.
Anyway. Because I like you, Riley, I will forgive you for the looming spectre of John Stossel on my favorite channels.
And having had time to think (insert joke here) I wonder if the Ann Coulter Comedy Hour will involve pies? That was prime entertainment.

corndog said...

Finally, those years of reading TV Guide pay off. You have absolutely nailed the concise brevity of the synopses. Thank you. If you need a new nom de blog, may I suggest "Moe Juste"? I'm honored that I played a small role in this.

doghouse riley said...

Oh yeah, pies. You gotta have pies.

Phantom Scribbler said...

Loving the Clifford episode. Loving it.

Perhaps the Sesame Street episode should include the feds busting and handcuffing Rosita (the Muppet who moved to town from Mexican Sesame Street).

D. Sidhe said...

Presumably after Rosita got a job at a Holiday Inn and tried to unionize the other maids, upon which the manager called INS. Otherwise, once the illegals are already here (assuming they're not Middle-Eastern in appearance) we tend to leave them alone so we can exploit the hell out of them.
Sure, you *threaten* to call INS a lot, and in fact you threaten to call INS on the legal ones too, and in my experience this works a lot more often than it has any right to, but if you actually did it, you'd have to hire Americans, who seem to insist on being paid and on filing lawsuits when you spray them with chemicals that cause cancer and on getting to go home at least once a day.
Sometimes it's just not worth it. We need a guest worker program, by God! That'll solve everything! (Well, for Wal*Mart, anyway.)