Friday, August 5

Friday Shuffle, Adolescent Smut Edition

The genesis here being weeding the garden, which included pulling a lot of clover, and finding myself singing "Roll me over/In the clover...." This happens to me a lot. Not with that particular song, but generally. I'm often able to trace a particular earworm to some physical event, and I'm growing more and more concerned that the day is not far off when I'll start singing this stuff out loud, in the grocery store. And probably having forgotten to wear pants.

My interest, aside from using dirty words while pretending to be a social scientist, is that these all had a folkloric quality, even though it turns out most of them were actually commercially recorded efforts. So I'm curious about your own experiences. Did you "have" any of these, or were they time specific? Does Barnacle Bill still introduce himself to Fair Young Maidens on playgrounds across the country, or do kids just download stuff and create an iPod Playground Mix these days? I'd go to the playground myself and ask, but I don't look good in orange.

So here, with notes, were pretty much all I could think of, excepting popular songs where we just added gratuitous fucking or hard-ons to the lyrics:


Bang Bang Lulu This Lulu had a boyfriend named Chuck. Or an uncle, depending on who you asked.

Barnacle Bill the Sailor Hands down (oh, sorry) the most popular, with about thirty verses including some composed by yours truly which involved local education officials.

Put Your Legs 'Round My Shoulders To the tune of the Paul Anka smash, this had no other lyric I was aware of. Although I doesn't really need any.

Louie Louie The Kingsmen. Of course you had to supply your own dirty lyric here, doubly so if you lived in Indiana, which managed to ban the thing for about four months in 1964. It was, naturally, one of two songs on my garage band's set list, and being that I was the only one brave enough to sing (plus, I owned the only microphone) I sang it at the fifth grade talent show, dirty lyric and all, and afterwards fellow students complained that they couldn't understand what I was saying.

If You Don't Blow Me Right Now Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes' "If You Don't Know Me By Now" got the treatment while I was in college (not by me). Included here because, as Einstein said about Jean Piaget, it's so simple only a genius could have recognized it.

Shave 'Em Dry Lucille Brogan. We knew only the line about big nipples and making a dead man come, and didn't know the melody. I thought I must have read it somewhere in the aftermath (sorry) of the Stones' using the latter line, but that was from "Start Me Up" and we definitely had it in high school, so I'm not sure now where it came from. "Lemon squeezing" was current then, too, but only from Led Zeppelin; I didn't hear Robert Johnson until I was in college.

Baby Let Me Bang Your Box Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. Once I started touring the city playing dances for no money, this one was always requested. I bought a copy at Lyric Record Shop so I could learn it. They carried the whole line of risqué gag items behind the glass at the register. Little white gift boxes with seemingly provocative titles that would have some trinket inside that served as a punchline. Sort of 3-D greeting cards people gave each other in the Fifties. The only one I remember--because someone had given it to my Dad--said "For your High Balls" on the box, and inside was a miniature jock strap sized to fit a cocktail glass. A million yucks.

Roll Me Over WWII holdover. It has a countdown, or rather a running tally, like "This is number seven/ I took her straight to heaven" which was particularly lame. We just sang the chorus.

What'd I Say Ray Charles. The sine qua non of Sixties garage band smut. Concerned girls wearing different colors of clothing--all solids--and their social proclivities. The young lady in pink had poor personal hygiene.

Last Night (I Stayed Up Late and Masturbated) To the particularly annoying tune of "Finiculi-Finicula" which made it doubly satisfying. Plus, as a paean to self-abuse it doesn't objectify women, which was really important to me at the time, as you can well imagine. In fact the chorus expresses a preference for the caress that is truly knowing. Also had about a dozen verses, of which "It felt so neat/I used my feet" was always my favorite.

Okay, what'd I leave out?

10 comments:

Woodrowfan said...

you left out "I like swimmin with bowlegged women, and swim between their legs...." and "Popeye the Sailor Man."

jackd said...

To the tune of the Beatles' "All My Loving":

"Close your eyes, spread your legs/and I'll fertilize your eggs....I'll send all my sperm cells to you."

Sadly, that's all the lyrics I can recall from one hearing in 1982.

HP said...

The stop-time chorus from Shave 'Em Dry:

"His balls hung down like a big bell clapper
And his dick stood up like a steeple.
His [unintellegible] church doors
And in come all the people."

"Tight Like That" has thousands of lyrics, many reputed to be extremely filthy. Most have never been recorded. Here's one of the dirtier ones that have been recorded, from "The New Red's Tight Like That":

"Oh she wouldn't and she couldn't
And she wouldn't come at all;
She pulled up her stockings
And leaned against the wall.
Oh, it's tight like that, etc."

The old bluegrass favorite "Salty Dog" has lots of filthy lyrics that have never been recorded, either:

"I was going to sodomize her,
But she smelt like fertilizer.
Honey, won't you be my salty dog?"

Speaking of which, another particular favorite is Jelly Roll Morton's uncensored version of Winin' Boy, from the Smithsonian sessions with Alan Lomax:

"A nickel's worth of beefcake,
And a dime's worth of lard. (3x)
I'm gonna salivate your pussy
Til my peter get hard.
I'm the winin' boy.
Don't deny my fuckin' name."

I can just picture Lomax suckin' on his pipe making his "I'm a serious scholar" face during all this.

Sorry for the long comment; this is one of my favorite topics.

Okay, one more:

Sissy Man Blues: "If you won't send me a woman, Lord, please send me a sissy man."

woodrowfan said...

and what about "My ding a ling a ling.???

Pepper said...

Yeah! The Ding a Ling! And Turning Japanese by the Vapors.

I am laughing too hard at this ... my coworkers think I'm crazy ... I must go ...

harry near indy said...

in high school, some of us had our own version of bang bang lulu.

ours was called gang bang bonnie.

the lyrics went like this.

first, the chorus:

"gang bang bonnie
gang bang bonnie all day.
who we gonna gang bang
when bonnie goes away?"

then this verse, which is the only one i remember:

"poor girls work in factories,
rich girls work in stores.
bonnie works across the street
with all the other whores."

then repeat the chorus.

then there was piss pot pete, with 16 pounds of hanging meat. something about him screwing a woman and she farted, and the end of the song -- more like a poem -- went:

"over the hill went piss pot pete.
sixteen pounds of shredded meat."

then there was the misunderstood line from purple haze -- either " scuze me while i zip my fly" or "scuze me while i kiss that guy."

isabelita said...

Well, I object to the perversification of "If You Don't Know Me by Now," but geeze... how could you forget "Louie Louie"?
From my husband's sordid past, I can offer:"Nothing Could Be Finer Than to be in her Vagina in the Morning"; "Blew Bayou"; Oh, he'll be able to send a few more.

Phil said...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sheila.
Sheila who?
She loves a gang bang,
and always will
Because a gang bang gives her such a thrill.
When she was younger,and in her prime,
She used to gang bang all the time.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
etc.

Ok, to the tune of The Caissons Go Rolling Along:

You can tell by the stench
That there's blood in her trench,
When the end of the month rolls around.

You can tell by her pout
That her eggs are falling out,
When the end of the month rolls around.

Well, it's hi, hi, hee
In the kotex factory....
Small, medium, large or bale of hay!
La la la la-la la la la la la (senior moment),
When the end of the month rolls around.

Woodrowfan said...

I believe it's "Nothing could be finer, than to be atop my Carolina in the morning,
nothing vcould be sweeter, than to have a little cheater in the moooorrrnning.."

I remember reading all the verses in Playboy in the late 70s...

Anonymous said...

Well, you never know what surfing will lead you to.
How vile. I never knew men enjoyed such horrid, vile things.
The Bible is so true. All unregenerate men imagine is just evil, all the time.