SO, basically: 1) there's as much of an actual excuse for all the Bachmann chatter (she's been featured on my local fucking news--which can't be bothered with the FSSA story, or the Toll Road bankruptcy, and which last night referred to the long-overdue ban on texting while driving as "controversial"--the last three nights running) as there would be for a brace of Ron Paul stories or Newt Gingrich arrest reports, and considerably less than in-depth examinations of Herman Cain, Your Next Ambassador to Pepperoni. 2) the obvious person to unite the "true" "conservative" base of the party is…the former Half Term Governor of Alaskaha, Sarah Louise Palin, who would then be shot down in a general election so devastating to Idiot America that it might take Paris, Snooki, and Cokie with it. And 3) Fred Thompson must be somewhere thinking to himself, "Dammit, I peaked too early."
And really now: if you are enough of a Sarah Palin die-hard fanboy that you, like another 14.5% of your fellow Republicans, believe that she should be your next President, who else here is really gonna measure up if she lets you down? It might look like 2/3 of the votes are up for grabs for a Romney challenger who breaks out of the pack, but how do you appeal to the disenfranchised Herman Cain voter, exactly? Oh, they'll support the nominee; Republicans supported Bush the First in '92 and Dole in '96, but there wasn't any fire about it. To the casual onlooker and scrupulous observer of the Law of Gravity all Crazy looks the same. But from the inside, on primary day, your Perry aficionado or Santorum intransigent is going to have to decide if he'd rather lose with Crazy-Eyes or Mr. Tiffany or Tundra Snooki than pull the Romney lever and have some sort of sporting chance. Sure, there's plenty of time for the herd to change direction; there's plenty of opportunity for a concerted effort to remove Mitt, derail the Pawlenty Express, or cockblock Sarah, if the situation calls for it. And, yes, whichever of these jokers gets the nomination will automatically collect 180 electoral votes just for being Republican. But for now, please, tell me how any of these guys has a chance.