Monday, June 6

Wait, You Needed To Study Whether Cell Phones Cause Brain Bubbles?

Fred Barnes, "Will the Real Sarah Palin Please Stand Up?" June 6

I'VE been working, so far unsuccessfully, on a review of Bill James' Popular Crime, which will not be finished until and unless I'm satisfied it will convince Mr. James to never write another book that isn't about baseball.

And, just for the record, this is not the only problem, merely a recurring irritant: James belongs to that subgroup of Boomer-Americans which is frequently mistaken for, and more frequently mistakes itself for, all Boomer-Americans, the one which believes an entire generation, however well-intentioned, somehow managed to come to its senses and turn into Richard Nixon just in the nick of time.

This reminds me that Fred Fucking Barnes once played a moderate on the pages of The New Republic, which was then playing a liberal.

There are three questions here: the eternal one ("Why isn't the work of Fred Barnes less well-known?"); the question of what I was doing reading him; and what this piece is supposed to be about, since the title suggests some sort of fugue state the author wishes the half-term Governor to snap out of, or make up her, you should pardon the expression, mind about, but the two Sarah Palins Barnes seems to imagine are the real one, the populist and popular executive, the notoriously tough negotiator forced to resign mid-term "by a wave of phony ethics charges that made it impossible to govern effectively", and, y'know, one who's entirely made-up.
It’s anybody guess whether Sarah Palin will run for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012. If she does, she’s likely to benefit from a highly favorable documentary that highlights the part of her career least known to most Americans.

Speaking as a grown man myself, damned if I can figure out what would make one write a sentence like that. I couldn't do it at gunpoint.

Jesus, we've seen the real Sarah Palin. Sometimes it feels like we haven't seen anything but. She's beyond an embarrassment. She's beyond a parody. She's actually beyond the question of just how willing members of your party are to fuck up what's left of the United States of America just so the Koch brothers get all the buggery they paid for. You can't possibly believe she's fit to be President of the United States. Hell, you can't possibly believe she's fit to be Treasurer of the Wasilla branch of the Dale Earnhardt Fan Club. You can't possibly believe that America just got the wrong twist on her story. Not if you've heard her speak two sentences. You sure can't imagine that some hack documentary is going to correct everyone's misimpression.

Th' fuck is it with you guys? How is it possible you didn't learn your lesson with Bush? Is there that much incompetent potty training in the world? Did the story of how you lost your lunch money cause your invalid grandmother to keel over? Jesus, Fred, the money boys were willing to back Mitch Daniels in hopes of preventing a Palin takeover of the party. Good God, man, nobody does anything that drastic without a damn good reason. Do they?

9 comments:

Uncle Omar said...

It gives one pause to think that on the 65th anniversary of D-Day that Fred Barnes, or any quasi-sentient being for that matter, would be pimping Sarah Palin for any office of trust in the republic. As Joseph Welch said, "At long last, sir, have you no shame?"

harmfulguy said...

...the part of her career least known to most Americans.

Would that be the part where she actually fucking did something?

KWillow said...

Only once or twice have I heard (read) anyone point out that it appears Todd Palin, "First Dude" did most of the administrative work of Sarah's governorship. Or was very heavily involved.

We should always ask the Palinadors "Do you really want Todd running the country while Sarah did Photo-Ops?"

Rugosa said...

Some of the punditariat seems to be afflicted with the belief that Palin is actually running for office, rather than just keeping her face on TV and her name in the papers. Just last week, Josh Green had an editorial in the Globe in which he wondered aloud why she isn't running a more conventional campaign. This helps explain why I no longer read the Atlantic. (I'll keep reading the Globe, for the weather report and the horoscopes.)

And by the way, sir, Speaking as a grown man myself, damned if I can figure out what would make one write a sentence like that. I couldn't do it at gunpoint. is close to Twain-quality prose.

James Stripes said...

I have a difficult time accepting the observation that Sarah Palin manages to keep herself in the "news" and that grown men who should know better continue writing about her. Even today, I found myself doing so despite my better judgement. I started with a letter written by one Paul Revere (a letter that as it happens does not quite express agreement with Palin's view of the event in question). Perhaps your inability to avoid reading Fred Barnes stems from the irresistible pull of certain sorts of perversion.

Li'l Innocent said...

Th' fuck is it with you guys?

I think they're blinded by sex. Like male frogs trying to achieve amplexus with the toe of a boot.

StringonaStick said...

"We should always ask the Palinadors "Do you really want Todd running the country while Sarah did Photo-Ops?" " Well, the sort of folks who'd vote for $arah would be fine with a guy really running things behind the scenes; after all women are delicate creatures and her minions are more interested in looking at her than they are in letting her govern. So, photo ops it is!

mb said...

Here's a question for you, Riley: Is there a bottom to the GOP barrel?

whetstone said...

Palin aside, I'm looking forward to your review of Bill James's book, which is... really weird. My take was that it's like a static Wikipedia of true crime as narrated and sort of written sometimes by Bill James.