Wednesday, April 6

An Andy Rooney Minute

My wife has a mystical attachment to Miracle-Gro™ potting mix. She's like a gambler who wins big on her first bet. She got good results the first time with it, and now I'm stuck buying the stuff, which I figure is akin to Kellogg's Total™: two cents worth of vitamins dumped into a box of Wheaties™ for which the price goes up 50%. And I have to remember which pots can't be fertilized for a month after. Course of True Love, an' all that.

Anyway, I was dumping the first bags of spring into their storage bins, and I noticed the top of the bag:

Easy Open. Just cut along dotted line to open and pour.

Wow. What a breakthrough. Not like those other potting soil bags that require a torque wrench. It's like the folks at Miracle-Gro™ have harnessed some basic force of physics or something. And it works, too. Back over to you, Morley.

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